Page 147 of Love Sick

My fingers curl into my sweatpants. Sparkle-silver nails mangle the fabric. “It’s the trust part I have a problem with.”

Mom nods. “Doyou trust him?”

A ragged breath expels through my nose. “Yes. No? I don’t know. I think I do, but I’m so scared. I’ve been wrong before. Really wrong.”

A short silence passes before Mom fills it. “Did you tell him what happened with Matt?”

“Of course not.” My voice goes diamond hard. “That isn’t something I ever want to discuss again.”

Her eyebrows pinch. “Oh, baby. If you ever want to be in a meaningful relationship, you’re going to have to share what happened to you.”

“Yeah.” My fingers twist hard into the fabric. “Maybe.”

At home, Dad has all my favorite movies in his streaming queue and a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table. The tears return as I fall into his safe arms.

He sighs. “Today, I focus on making my baby feel better. Tomorrow, I figure out how to kick this guy’s ass.”

I giggle-sob into his chest. “He didn’t do anything. It was all my fault.”

“Meh. Still feel like I need to kick his ass.”

In my childhood bed later that night, stomach full of cookies, I battle a raging case of insomnia. Scrolling through my phone, I force myself not to look at pictures of Julian, and instead open my messages to the one person who may still be awake.

Me:Well

Me:I made it safe to Cali

Kai:yayyyyyy hows the fam

Me:wonderful as always

I wait for him to answer, but nothing comes through.

Me:I can’t sleep

Kai sends a picture of himself holding a casino slot ticket worth $82.

Kai:me either!

I zoom in, smiling at Kai’s tipsy grin, but my heart clenches as the background grabs my attention. A blurry version of Julian stands with a girl in his arms. Her mouth is fastened to his neck.

He…he has another girl? Already?

Because I’m a masochist, I press and hold the live photo and a three-second loop plays. The girl backs away enough that I recognize her as that malicious nurse from Vincent. Julian smiles at her, and the photo freezes.

A spiky piece of barbed wire slips between my ribs and constricts my heart. It’s pain I deserve, but I wince and silently sob into my pillow.

About an hour later, I’m drifting in twilight sleep when my phone buzzes in my hand.

Julian:I miss you grace

My entire body hollows out and I’m a human-shaped shell.

Why would he be kissing other girls if he misses me?

Because he’s trying to forget.

The tears return, and my thumbs move before I can rethink it.

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