Page 157 of Love Sick

“I want to tell you a story,” she whispers.

My gaze slices to her.

Two tears drip down her face and she wipes them away before meeting my eyes. “I—I’m not sure where to start.”

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

A harsh laugh falls from her mouth. “The beginning. All right. Let’s start at the beginning.” She reaches behind her to grab a tissue from its box. “It started in med school. I was all bright and shiny, ready to tackle my dreams.” Another watery laugh. “I met him on the first day.”

My fingers go numb.Him?

“Matt was…wonderful. So charming. Handsome. He had the best smile. It wasn’t a week into classes before he’d taken me out, and we were studying together, spending our time together. Falling in love.”

A muscle in my cheek won’t stop twitching. Why is she telling me this? Is she trying to tell me she’s still in love with him? I don’t want to hear this.

“It was blissful. My grades soared. I’d never been so happy.”

Stop torturing me.“Grace—”

“Just let me finish, Julian. Please?”

My hands clench, but I nod and move to the sofa.

She turns to face me, her skin pale and waxen. “I took the physical part slow. I’ve always been a little…nervous about that stuff. In high school, people had certain misperceptions. Teenage boys are jackasses, and I have big lips and big boobs and my name is Sapphire Rose. You can imagine how it was. They thought I’d be easy. Wild. Down for a good time, you know? And I was expected to be experienced. To know what men like and want to give it to them. When I lost my virginity, it hurt a little bit, and he just laughed and told me to take it all and shut up. Like it was…porn, or something. Like I was a porn star.”

A knot twists hard in my stomach. No. That happened to her? I’m too frozen to reach out. Tension builds in my muscles—potential energy poised to spring.

She shakes her head and stares at her lap. “When I finally gave myself to Matt, it wasn’t very good. I was too on edge, so I couldn’t climax and he kind of took it as an insult.” She sighs. “Things got weird after that. He kept trying different things, but the more he tried, the more pressure I felt, and I just couldn’t—”

My throat tightens. I reach for her. She lets me take her hand, her small fingers curling around mine.

She swallows. “He—um—started wanting things I wasn’t comfortable with. Sexual things. And I—I was scared to lose him. I thought I loved him. There came this sense of threat, like if I didn’t do these things, he’d leave. Like…let me ram you in the back door, Sapphire, or I’ll walkorif I’m not so deep in your throat that you’re vomiting, then why are we even doing this?”

I blink. What theactualfuck?

“So I did it all,” she says. “He didn’t ask. Consent was…questionable. But I was afraid if I told him I didn’t like the kink, that I didn’t want to be tied up and hit and left hurting, he’d take away all the happiness I thought we had.” Her breath hitches. “I was so stupid.”

A sick cold settles in my chest. “Are you—Grace, are you trying to say I hurt you like this?”

She raises her head, keen gaze meeting mine. “No. No, Julian. You are wonderful. You were always wonderful.”

The relief is palpable. “Grace—”

“Just let me finish.” Her fingers claw onto my hand. “It went on for months. I hated myself, but somehow, I still thought I loved him. I convinced myself I loved him. That I was doing it for love. We were already second-years by that time and the workload was lighter. He started wanting to hang with his friends a lot. He got distant. Then one day, we were in his apartment and had sex, and it was totally normal. I thought that maybe he’d decided to give up on all the weird stuff. I was so happy.” She looks away. “But then he said,I can’t do this anymore, Grace. It’s like fucking an ice queen.”

Cold.

This was the man who called her cold.

I’m immobilized and have no idea what to say. My heart turns electric, pumping more fury than blood through my body. It’s pain with a slow sharp edge. Hatred with a frigid, calculating vendetta.

I’d hurt him. If I could, I’d hurt him.

“He was still inside me when he said it,” she says. “He wasinside mewhen he broke up with me.”

I pull on her hand.

She scoots closer to me but remains on the table. “It gets worse. I found out he’d actually been seeing other women for a while. He’d spent months sexually coercing me into…hateful things, calling me names,hurtingme, and he’d been screwing other women on the side, like a total cliché.” She blows out a slow breath. “But, I thought I loved this man, right? I wanted to keep him. He promised me forever. We’d looked at rings. I thought I wanted a lifetime with him. So I begged him to stay. Ibeggedhim, Julian, and when he wouldn’t take me back, something broke in my mind.”

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