Page 42 of Controlling Natasha

“Are you worried someone will notice?”

“Not if I keep my sweater wrapped around me.But what happens when the weather gets nicer?Does he expect me to wear a white T-shirt over a pink, lacy training bra?”

“Have you asked him?”

“No.I’m afraid of the answer.”

“Well, since it bothers you, I suggest you talk to him.”

“He’s so controlling.I haven’t noticed him being remotely flexible on any issue.”

“Have you challenged him on anything before this?”

I sigh.“No.”

“It sounds like you won a small battle on Monday because you did end up wearing a bra to school.And while you were gone, he came up with a compromise.If you don’t like the compromise, you need to stick up for yourself.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you afraid to challenge him?”

I shrug.“A little.I mean, I need a place to live.If things go bad between us, I don’t know what I will do.”

“You definitely need to talk to Jameson about that fear, Natasha.He needs to listen to and understand your worries and concerns.Would you feel better tabling the idea of entering into a more committed relationship with him until your housing agreement is over?”

The thought of not submitting to him makes me feel queasy.I can’t imagine putting our weird relationship on hold for months.It was weird from the beginning.Now, it’s just weirder.“No.I don’t think so.”

“Then I think you need to make it a priority to talk to him about your feelings.He can’t know if you don’t tell him.”

“Yeah.”

“Other than the situation with the bras and the car, how does the rest of his dominance make you feel?I ask this partially from a position of having inside information.I’ve known Jameson for many years.I know he’s an extremely demanding Dominant and Daddy.He likes total power exchange.I’m pleased that he recognizes that you’re young and naïve, and he’s reached out to me to help make sure you’re happy in such an intense dynamic.”

I draw in a deep breath and lean back so I’m not sitting so rigidly.I still keep my sweater tight around me.I’ve been doing this all day.“I like how it makes me feel when he dominates me.If I didn’t, I would have run from the house before unpacking my bags.I’m self-reflective enough to realize I’ve never had an authority figure in my life.Maybe when I was a toddler, but by the time I was five, I was grown up.”

“Jameson mentioned you grew up in foster care.”

I nod.“Yes.I was lucky.I was placed with a nice family when I was about five, who were good to me.They had a lot of foster kids, though, and I was well-behaved and quiet, so I kind of got ignored most of the time.Not in a bad way, exactly.It just happened.No one gave me any rules.No one disciplined me.So, I guess I crave it now.It feels nice to have someone set boundaries and make decisions for me.”

“That’s very self-reflective, Natasha, and I’m inclined to agree.There are many reasons why people enjoy age play.One of those is because they missed out on something when they were younger.You’re filling a hole.It’s a perfectly safe and healthy thing to do as long as both you and your caregiver are on the same page.”

I like that he keeps agreeing with me.It’s validating.

“Earlier you said you don’t know what Jameson sees in you.Let’s talk about that for a minute.When someone says something like that to me, it tells me they have low self-esteem.Do you not see yourself as worthy of Jameson’s devotion?”

I consider his words and what they mean for me.“I don’t know.It just feels off balance.I’m half his age.I have nothing to my name.I’m always going to be relying on him for everything.”

“I try not to worry much about people’s ages.I see all kinds of age gaps.Some are like yours.Some are even wider.Some are the other way around, with the woman being older.Is it possible that Jameson is simply deeply attracted to you—to the entire package that is Natasha Miller?”

“I guess so.”

“I’ve known him a long time.He’s a very wealthy man, but he’s not the sort who cares much about money.He just happens to have it, and he likes to use it for good causes.I’ve known him to donate to a wide assortment of things over the years.In this case, he offered room and board to a woman who needed a place to stay.It was a coincidence that he found himself attracted to you.I may be overstepping a bit when I say this, but there is no way he would ever require you to pay him back for anything he’s done for you.Now, that being said, it doesn’t change the fact that youfeelindebted to him.You own your feelings.I won’t negate or belittle them.Put that on your list of things to discuss with him so he’ll understand better where you’re coming from.”

“Yes, sir,” I murmur.While I don’t really want to have a confrontation with Mr.Hoffman about my concerns, I should do it anyway.

“Tell him exactly what you’ve told me.That you’re worried if things don’t work out, you will feel like you owe him.”

“Okay.”

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