Page 44 of Controlling Natasha

Quinten chuckles.“There’s no right or wrong here.There are two Dominants who care a great deal about you and want to help.I’d say you’re one very lucky Little girl.”

“I guess so.”

“Think about discussing the concerns we spoke about with Jameson.I’m not suggesting you do it today or even tomorrow.You’re going to be exhausted from our session.Today’s not a great day to start an important discussion.”He glances at the notes he’s been jotting down every once in a while.“You need to address your concerns about wearing a bra at school, the fact that you feel like you might owe him for everything he’s done for you, and your worry that his feelings for you might not be as strong as yours.Three things.You don’t have to address all of them this week.Just some things to think about in the future.If it’s okay with you, I’d like to see you again next week.”He stands.

I stand also.“Okay.”

He heads for the door but turns to address me again before opening it.“You’re a strong woman, Natasha.I can tell that.Do not confuse submission with weakness.Submission requires a tremendous amount of inner strength and self-awareness.You have those in spades.I know you’re going to be fine.You’re new to the lifestyle and scrambling to learn more about yourself every day.”

“Thank you, sir.”His parting words make me feel like I can walk on air.

As I step into the waiting room, Mr.Hoffman rises.He smiles at me and extends a hand.

I must look rather beaten because he pulls me into a tight hug.It’s the first one he’s ever given me, and I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight.It feels symbolic, like he’s absorbing the weight on my shoulders.Without words, he’s telling me, “I’ve got you,” and I’m telling him, “I really like it.”

Chapter13

Jameson

On the drive home, my mind is racing.I hold Natasha’s hand most of the way, stroking her fingers, hoping to soothe her.I hate not having a single clue about what happened in her session with Quinten, but I won’t pressure her.She’ll tell me what she wants me to know when she’s ready.

She’s clearly worn out, which is understandable.Therapy can be stressful.She’s never been to a counselor, so there’s a good chance she had a lot of issues to discuss even though she didn’t think it was necessary.

I’m concerned about where I fall in her world right now, but I have to trust that she will let me know when the time is right.After all, I thought she should see Quinten because I wanted to help her make sure she was following her heart with me.

Selfishly, I want her to go to therapy because it will devastate me if I let her burrow deeper under my skin and then lose her.What if she changes her mind or realizes one day she’s not even submissive?

I know that’s not likely, but I’m trying to protect both of our hearts.I’m smart enough to know that my heart already belongs to her, and I would be just as broken if she left me today as I would if she left me after I’ve taken her into my bed.

Maybe I can ease some ofherfuture pain this way, though.I’m not the one who’s a virgin.Giving me her body is a big deal.I never want her to regret it.

I might not have imposed such strict rules about touching her if I hadn’t found out she’s so totally innocent.The extent of her sexual experience is me watching her touch herself on Sunday.It was so dirty and wicked of me, but she craved every moment of it.

I’ll never in my life forget the image of her leaning against the couch, legs spread wide, freshly shaved pussy covered in those little panties.The moans she made when she touched her little nipples and stroked her clit over the cotton made my cock so hard I thought I might come in my pants.It was difficult not to.

She’s so damn precious and perfect.I want to wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her leave my house.In the past month, I’ve gone into the office for only a few hours a day.I only go to work when Natasha is in class.I can’t stand the idea of not being at home when she returns.I’ve managed to keep my thumb on the pulse by working after she goes to bed and early in the morning, but I’m grateful that my company is self-sufficient and doesn’t require much hands-on babysitting anymore.

My thoughts are consumed with Natasha day and night.Everything about her brings me to my knees.In fact, I’m worried that I’m considerably more in love with her than I was with Julia.I almost didn’t survive losing Julia.How would I survive if I lost Natasha?

It’s possible that part of the reason I’m keeping her out of my bed is to protect my heart.But my heart is already hers, so I’m not protecting it well at all.

Every day I consider saying “fuck it” and guiding her straight to my room instead of hers after dinner.Every night, I find the will to give her space.

I hope Quinten was helpful.I know many people who have gone to him for counseling.They all rave about him.He’s good at what he does.I have to trust that he helped Natasha see things through a clear lens.

I also hope involving Camden in our personal life wasn’t a mistake.I really want Natasha to have more people in her court with her best interests in mind.Camden cares deeply about her as a professor does a star student.

Simone… Is she good for Natasha?I’m not sure.I don’t know her well enough.I know she has spent three years flirting with Camden, who refuses to so much as glance at her or give her any reason to encourage her advances.

It’s almost comical.Camden won’t discuss the situation beyond complaining every time Simone tries to lure him into her web.We’ve seen her at Surrender.She’s definitely into age play, though I’m not at all sure even Simone knows what age range she prefers.She’s all over the place, switching things up every few months.Lately, she’s been on a goth kick.I find it humorous because I suspect it’s driving Camden batty.It’s most likely not her true style.I think it’s just her latest experimental phase.

I’m glad Natasha has a peer to talk to, and I don’t want to discourage her—as long as Simone seems to be providing helpful information and references.I have Simone to thank for most of what Natasha has learned in the past month.

I pull up to the circular drive in front of the house and turn off the engine.Both Albert and I always pick up and drop off Natasha at the front of the house.So far, she’s never commented on the fact that we move the cars into the garage later.She’d lose her shit if she saw what else is parked in the four-car garage.

I turn to her before getting out of the car.“You mentioned you have a test coming up for school.Would you like to have Simone over to study with you at the house?”

She’s never had a friend over, and she’s never even asked.Granted, I suspect she’s leery about letting Simone meet me.I’m a brooding, overbearing presence.She’s probably too embarrassed.

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