Page 58 of Controlling Natasha

She scrambles off the other side of the bed, looking all cute and ridiculous in her outfit.She’s also flaming mad, which is unnerving, but I’m glad she feels like she can yell at me.Even though I might spank her little ass for doing so.

I wonder if all of this has something to do with her visit with Quinten.If so, I’m glad.Her chest is heaving.Her cheeks are pink.I suddenly realize her hair is in two pigtails, but they are right behind her ears.She put on this Middle outfit and fixed her hair to go with it, even though she wanted to stab me for buying her a car at the same time.

I draw in a slow breath.I need to choose my next words wisely.“I never meant for you to feel like I was buying you, Natasha.It wasn’t my intention.You walked into my life, and I fell for you.I wanted to make your life easier.”

She sniffles and swipes at her eyes.Maybe tears are an improvement over shouting?I’m not sure.

I stand but stay on the other side of her bed.She needs the barrier.“You bring me to my knees, Natasha.I want you so badly I can’t concentrate on anything except what I can do to make you happy.I want you to have the best of everything.I want you to submit to me and obey me because that’s how I’m wired, and I think you were made for me.I think you’re the Little girl I’ve denied myself for a decade.”

She doesn’t move, but she doesn’t back away either.

I need to tell her about my past.It’s long overdue.“I spent ten years denying myself.Ten years alone and lonely because I swore I would never let myself love another person.”

Her breath hitches.“You loved someone ten years ago?”she asks softly.

“Yes.Her name was Julia, and we were so good together.I thought we were perfect for each other.She was submissive.I was Dominant.We fit together.”

“What happened to her?”Natasha asks softly.

“She went hiking with her friends one day, and she tripped and fell.It was a freak accident.She hit her head hard on a rock.She had a brain bleed and never woke up.Two days later, she was gone.”

“I’m so sorry.”

I swallow, trying to control my emotions.I don’t mind Natasha seeing me vulnerable, but not over this.Not over Julia.Because Natasha needs to understand some things I’ve been unwilling to admit, even to myself.

“I asked myself a million times what I could have done differently to protect her.Maybe I shouldn’t have let her go hiking that day.Maybe I should have gone with her.But you know what?Even if I’d been standing two feet away, she still might have fallen and hit her head.”

Natasha bites her bottom lip.

“Loving someone else is hard.It’s risky.They might not return the feeling, or they might change their mind one day and leave, or they might die.So, I shut myself off from dating.And then Camden has to go and ruin everything by sending me a girl who needs a place to live.She walks into my library one afternoon, and she takes my breath away.My world starts spinning out of control.”

Natasha gasps.

I keep talking.“She’s so fucking pretty with big brown eyes and gorgeous hair.In an instant, I know she’s Little and I want her.But she’s so young, and she doesn’t know a thing about age play.I can’t rush her.She needs to figure it out for herself.All I can do is try to make her life easier by making sure she has food, a roof, a bed, clothes, shoes, a phone, a computer, and a fucking reliable car.

“I just want her to besafe.I keep falling harder for her every day, and she’s so damn submissive.She’s so perfect for me.She sucks all the oxygen out of a room.All I want is to protect her from everything in the world that might harm her.I have to force myself to slow down and not overwhelm her.I give her boundaries, one at a time, and she accepts them every time.She craves more.I give her a curfew.I ask her to check in with me so I’ll know where she is.I have Albert drive her everywhere, so she’s safer than being alone.And every time I add new rules, she accepts them.”

I drop my hands to her bed and lean forward.“She doesn’t just accept my rules.She relishes them.She squirms when I tell her to do something.She’s so fucking perfectly submissive.I can’t stand it.I’m drowning every day waiting for her to be mine.I won’t rush her, though.I need her to be sure because my heart can’t take it if she leaves me.”

Natasha takes a step toward the bed.“I was always yours, Daddy.”

Her words break me.I drop my elbows onto the bed and let my head hang between my arms.

She climbs onto the bed and crawls to me.

I lift my face and say, “You want to know the craziest part?I might as well sell that car.It seemed like a great idea at the time.I wanted you to be safe, and I knew you’d be safer in a new car.I thought it would be easier to convince you to let me buy you a reliable car than to insist on you letting Albert drive you to and from school.But now?Now, I can’t picture ever permitting you to drive somewhere.Certainly not alone.It’s not safe.There are crazy people out in the world.What if you got in an accident or someone carjacked you?I’m selling the car.”

She giggles and shakes her head as she sits cross-legged a foot from me.“I’ve changed my mind.I’ll use it for class tomorrow.”

I groan.“Not a chance.”

“Why?”She’s grinning.

“You’re grounded indefinitely from the car.”

“Why?”

“Because I say so.”

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