Page 76 of Love You, Mean It

“Why is it ridiculous?” She snapped a lid onto the container of broccoli salad, turning one of those deep, insightful Bella looks on me.

“Theo Taylor and me? Come on. We’re nothing alike, you said it yourself.”

“I never said that. Iwouldn’tsay it. You’ve both got dark senses of humor, you’re bothmorethan happy to offer your opinions, even if you know they won’t land with your audience.”

“So assholes flock together. Thanks, Bell.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. Anyway, I wasn’t finished. Both of you are no bullshit on the outside, but deep down, you care deeply about the things that matter to you. Family especially.”

“You always have been my soft marshmallow center.”

“And both of you shut people out so you won’t have to be vulnerable. But you’d both be better off if you let someone past the wall.”

“Are we done with the armchair analysis?” Bella shrugged acquiescence. “Good. Because all of that explains why I don’t hate Theo as much as I expected to. I’ll admit he hassomegood qualities. But he’s light-years away from my type…”

“Strongest recommendation yet,” Bella muttered.

“AndI’m not looking for anything serious.”

“Okay, let’s say I take you at your word. Whenareyou planning to look for something serious?”

“Excuse me?”

“Ellie, come on. We both know your ‘type’ didn’t land on sexy losers because you think there’s real potential there. It’s because you know there’snot.”

“Jesus, Bella, did I do something to piss you off?”

“I just want you to…not even be happy, just like, bewillingto be happy?” She threw her hands up, exasperated. “So Theo isn’t your usual type. So what? He’s a really good guy, he’s stable—which is a good thing, by the way—and he makes you laugh. How many of the guys that you’ve slept with in the last ten years have done that, Ellie? And laughingatthem doesn’t count.” I closed my mouth again. “If there’s something there, why not pursue it? Or at least not actively push it away.”

Because real relationships imply real roots. Because giving up the part of me that still wanted an artist’s life in New York—or pretended to—felt like failure, even if the idea of going back to that made my stomach sink. Because I wasn’t supposed to be okay with this life, back in my hometown, falling into a role that had been predetermined for me. Shouldn’t I at leastwantto want more?

Plus, just because we both grew up here, that didn’t mean Theo and I were from the same world. And what about Sam? I owed her this now, didn’t I?

I pinched my eyes shut, shaking my head.

“But thereisn’tsomething there. We get along, that’s it. End of story.”

Bella sighed heavily.

“Okay. In that case I’ll drop it.”

“Hallelujah.”

“But I’m signing you up for Bumble once this is over, no arguments.”

“You can drag a horse to water, but you can’t make her swipe.”

“Oh, did I not mention? I’ll be running the account.”

With that, we made our way out into the night, the topic dropped for the time being (Bella was nothing if not true to her word). Still, it made me wonder: If even Bella could see that this was slipping out of my control, how could I possibly keep it going without someone getting really hurt? Someone like…me?

“Ellie! So good to see you again. Let me take your coat. I’ll show you to the private room.”

I dutifully let Andy slide the coat off my shoulders, trying not to enjoy the annoyance twisting the face of the prissy woman he’d ignored in favor of me. At least nottoomuch.

Andy whisked me across the restaurant to a room at the back, the walls of which were constructed entirely of antique cubbies, decades of hands passing in and out of them patinaing their surfaces.

“You’re the first to arrive,” Andy said. “Can I get you something to drink while you wait?”

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