Page 85 of Love You, Mean It

“Man…why is everyone only telling me the stuff I should have realized soonernow?”

“Would you have listened sooner?”

“Okay, fair.”

I sighed, squeezing my temples with one hand as I paced the small, dingy room. God, how had I lived in this apartment for so long?

“But Bella…what do Ido?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean putting all the…right for mestuff aside, what if Theo decides to tank this because of what I said?”

“He wouldn’t.”

“You didn’t see his face.”

“Well…there’s not a lot you can do about that now. When will the board make a final decision?”

“They didn’t say. Not immediately, I don’t think. Everything’s been moving pretty slowly.”

“Good. Hopefully you’ll both cool down in the next day or two and you’ll at least be able to apologize. If hedoesdecide to tank things out of spite…he’s not the person I thought he was, but it’s probably not anything you can stop. Theo’s really sensitive, I don’t think you can force him to get over this faster than he’s ready to.”

“So I did completely fuck everything up.”

“Hey,no. I mean…you didn’t act awesomely, okay? But everyone makes mistakes. Honestly, the fact that you let yourself be open enough toneedto destroy him so thoroughly seems like a really good sign.”

“That’s an extremely fucked-up silver lining.”

“I stand by it.” Bella paused a moment, gathering her thoughts. “What’s the actual worst case here?”

“Oh god, you think it’s that bad?” My eyes pinched so tight the room blurred.

“No, I think once you know the worst-case scenario, anythinglessbad isn’t so hard to handle. So…worst case, Theo and Sam get together.”

“Actually, worst case is she winds up hating me too. She’s the first cool person I’ve met since I moved here.”

“Okay, next time you undertake an absolutely ludicrous scheme, youreallyneed to keep me more updated on the progress. You two are friends?”

“Maybe. At least I thought we might become friends.” I sighed. “Anyway, let’s continue the exercise.”

“So worst case, things fall apart with you and TheoandSam, and he’s still angry. And I guess she’s also angry. Enough that the two of them decide to bring in Mangia, then ride off into the sunset together.”

I could see them so clearly in my mind’s eye, standing next to each other on the country club dais, laughing, exactly the people who were supposed to wind up together. It was hard to believe Bella’s words were anything less than prophetic. Still, a tiny part of me felt relieved. Sam was a badass; even if she hated me, she deserved to wind up with someone who made her happy. And…so did Theo.

“What happens next?” Bella pressed.

My chest tightened.

“The deli closes,” I whispered. “Maybe not right away, but eventually.”

“Okay. And if that happens…would it really be so bad?”

“Are you serious?”

“No bullshitting, Ellie, it’s late and I’m grumpy.” Only Bella could make a therapeutic phone-hug out as grumpy. “The deli closes. You have to find something new. I know that would be incredibly hard, and I’m not trying to downplay that atall,but in a way…wouldn’t that be for the best? You’ve had to put so much on hold for so long.”

I longed to say yes, to lean into the comfort I knew I could find in the “Finally I can do what matters tome” narrative. But that’s all it was: a story I’d been telling myself.

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