Page 25 of What If It's You?

That knowledge cast a heavy fog over the rest of the afternoon, and though I tried to focus—first on my writing, and then, when it quickly became clear there was zero chance of that happening, the grind of memorizing details of this life—I was staring off into space when Drew walked through the front door of the condo that evening.

“Thinking deep thoughts?” he said, chuckling when I jumped at his voice.

“Oh, umm…just spacing out, I guess.” I nibbled my lower lip as I watched him move through the space—our space—the idea that I might be permanently stuck here giving even his smallest actions undue weight.

“Did you manage to ponder on the mysteries of what to eat for dinner first? I’m starving,” Drew said, kicking his shoes under the hall table and crossing the living room, opening his laptop on the dining room table without even looking over at me.

“Sorry…no.” He glanced over, an eyebrow raised. Was dinner always on me? I suppose it made sense, my schedule was clearly the more flexible one. It made me wonder whether I’d really dived into cooking as achosenhobby, or whether I’d been trying to convince myself it was my choice by adding more and more bells and whistles…

“Too much going on, I take it?” He glanced around the room with a wry smile, eyes landing on my tote, laptop peeking out from the top of its open mouth.

Annoyance swelled deep in my stomach.

“Is that so hard to believe? Writing isn’teasy,you know,” I spat, voice tart. Was my time just less valuable than his in his eyes? It made me rethink the earlier text exchange, my assumption thatnot like you have a due datewas meant as a kindness to me. Drew raised both hands in mock defense.

“I know that! Don’t get upset, I was honestly just kidding around. Anyway, it’s no big deal. We’re overdue for a pizza night, right?”

“Right,” I said, forcing myself to return his distracted smile, notthat he noticed—he was already typing rapidly on his laptop. “I’ll just call that in, then? Any requests?”

“Hmm? Oh, uhh…whatever you want. You know what I like.”

I didn’t, but it didn’t seem to matter. Drew had locked in to work, and we hardly spoke the rest of the evening, the TV not quite drowning out the roar in my ears.

You might be stuck here forever. This might become your real—only—life.

When I woke up the next morning I felt totally normal, rested and content, like I was where I was supposed to be. My hand drifted through the soft sheets, automatically searching for Ollie’s.

The mattress creaked as he rolled toward me, letting out a huge yawn before he wrapped his arm around me, nuzzling his mouth into the crook of my neck.

“Morning, beautiful,” he murmured, his breath whispering over the delicate skin of my collarbone. I tilted my head to the side, offering myself to him automatically, and he pressed a soft kiss to my skin, his hand sliding over my hip to my waist. Heat flared in the wake of his touch, swirling through my core slowly, almost lazily, a luxurious blend of desire and the last remnants of sleep. His fingers slid beneath the hem of my oversized T-shirt, wrapping around my ribs, trying to pull me to him. My breath hitched as his other hand tugged the collar of my shirt aside, his lips moving over my shoulder, their pressure firmer now, more focused. I yielded to the strength of his arm, rolling toward him, and his hand slid to the base of my spine, pressing my hips against his insistently. Hiserection pulsed along the inside of my thigh, and blood surged between my legs in response. I opened my eyes, delicious desire making my voice a purr.

“Oh,Oll—”

I stopped short, body stiffening all over. It wasn’t Ollie hovering just inches away, it wasDrew.The memory of the last twenty-four hours pounded into me so hard it took my breath away. Drew raised an eyebrow, questioning.

“You’ll what?”

“I’ll…need to deal with this knot in my shoulder,” I said, the awkward so thick I could practically taste it. Luckily, Drew didn’t seem to notice.

“Let me help with that.” He rolled me toward him, fingers massaging deftly even as he pressed me along the length of him, and it felt incredible…and also entirely wrong. I’d managed to stop short of calling out another man’s name, but I was less worried about Drew’s suspicion than about the fact that what we were doing right now felt like cheating. But on who, a person that functionally didn’t exist in this world? I hadn’t even been able tofindhim on socials.

Still, even though Drew and I were clearly together here, even though I might actually be stuck here—that particular shard of memory sliced through me anew, leaving me gasping—I couldn’t shake the conviction that if I went any further, gave in to the thrum of lust that Drew’s touch had awakened, I’d be betraying Ollie. Worse, betraying myself. I pinched my eyes shut, grimacing. If I had one bright line in relationships, it was cheating. Cheating was weak. It was cruel and selfish, and the fact that I didn’t even know Ollie in this world didn’t erase the gut-deep certainty that what I was doing now would hurt him, would ruinus,a feeling so intense it felt like it might choke me.

“Laurel?” Drew pulled back, his gentle blue eyes quizzical. “Still with me?”

“Yes, but…I’ll ask you to hold that thought,” I finally managed, rolling away slightly. “My stomach is feeling a little off. I think Imight be about to start my period,” I lied. Well, not about the queasy part. The conviction that this was cheating seemed to have churned up an entire vat of acid.

“You know I don’t care about that.” Drew half-smiled, looking bewildered, and ran a hand through my too-short hair, cupping my nape and running his thumb over the line of my jaw. Ignoring the renewed heat that flooded through me at the touch, I pulled away again, more insistently this time.

“I know, butIdo.” I took a deep breath, trying to tamp down the annoyance at his response.Not nowmeansnot now. “I’m just crampy, and I want to, you know…enjoyit. Rain check?”

“For sure. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it.” Drew smiled gently and leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on my mouth. Part of me still felt like I should pull away, but surely this—a single kiss—wasn’t something I had to feel guilty about.

For a person that for all you know you’ll never see again.

Drew rolled across the mattress and I raked my fingers through my hair, pulling until it started to hurt.

I might be able to put off morning sex for today, but this couldn’t last forever. My stomach roiled threateningly.

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