Page 60 of What If It's You?

“I mean…current incarnation? Not really. But it’s still in the top five. Even a million tech bros can’t drive awayeverythingthat made that town cool in the first place.” Ollie leaned back against the cushions, releasing me. I turned to look at him.

“And we’ve both been saying we need a new adventure lately, right?”

“Right…” A hint of a frown creased Ollie’s forehead. “Are you planning a trip? I thought we were talking about Croatia next, but I suppose I could be persuaded…”

“It’s better than that. I just applied for a job in the Redwood City offices. Obviously I have to go through the whole interview process, get an offer, blah blah blah. But Maren’s on the hiring team, and she practicallybeggedme to apply, so I think I have a really good shot.” I raised my eyebrows in excitement, expecting to see it mirrored on Ollie’s face, but he just blinked at me, frown deepening.

“Sorry…youwhat?”

“Applied for a job on the West Coast. You’ve always said you wanted to live there at some point, right?”

“I mean…yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?” I cocked my head to the side. Ollie slid away from me on the couch, body stiff, jaw tight in the way it got when he was trying hard not to react angrily.

“Let me just make sure I have this right,” Ollie said, closing his eyes and taking a long, slow breath. When he opened his eyes, he wouldn’t meet mine, his narrowed gaze focused on his hands, gripping tight to his knees. “You saw a job on the opposite side of the country, and you decided to just apply for it without even talking to me first?”

“I mean…yes, but it’s not like I was hiding it from you. The posting only went up a few days ago.”

“And if you get it—which you think you will—you expect us to uproot our entire lives.”

“It would be an adventure! A new city to explore, and we’d be way closer to Lily in LA. We could probably fly down to see her every few weeks if you wanted. Once I got my feet under me, at least.”

“Laurel…what the actualfuck?” Ollie finally looked at me, but his usually gentle dark eyes had turned hard and sharp, almost unfamiliar. “In what world is that even remotely okay?”

“I…I thought you’d be excited,” I murmured. My stomach was rapidly plunging through the bottom of the couch. Ollie spat out a bitter laugh.

“Oh yeah, I’mthrilled. Nothing I love more than feeling like my entire life is a fuckingafterthought.”

“You’re not an afterthought! I just—”

“Assumed I’d be fine with it? Welp, sorry to disappoint you Lo, I’mnot.” Ollie levered off the couch, crossing the room with rapid strides. He paced the span of floor between the coffee table and the door to the kitchen, hands flexing and unflexing at his sides. “And to think I really believed you might everquitthat misery factory. Do you even have any idea how much I’ve given up for you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that it’s been pretty clear from the beginning that it was your way or the highway. You know I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for you.” He glared at me, defiance written in every tightened muscle, coursing along the jumping tendons of his neck.

“I thought you liked Boston.” My voice was barely a whisper. I’d never seen Ollie this angry. In fact…it was possible I’d never really seen him angry at all.

“Idolike Boston. But I wasn’t supposed to be here forever. You know that. You’ve always known that.” He stopped his pacing and threaded his fingers through his floppy curls, body curling in on itself, the sudden explosion of anger guttering. But the embers were still there in his eyes, flickering and bright, ready to burst into flame anew given even the tiniest scrap of fuel to feed on.

It’s not that what Ollie was saying was a surprise, exactly—when we’d met he’d talk all the time about moving to Nashville within a year, two at the most—but I hadn’t heard about it in so long that I’d just…allowed myself to forget it had ever been on the table. Guilt seeped up like groundwater, mucky and foul-smelling, obscuring the tiny patch of solid ground I’d thought I’d finally found.

“Do you want me to withdraw my application?” It would be awkward—I’d literallyjustsent it—but Maren would understand.Well, no, she wouldn’t, but I could probably come up with a lie that she’d be willing to accept. The fact that moving to the West Coast might literally save my life…felt too big to even start explaining to Ollie at this moment.

“No. That’s not…” Ollie moved his tongue over his upper lip, shaking his head slowly. “Lo, if this is what you want, then I want it for you. I think you’re amazing, you know that. But…considering how things have been going lately, I’m not sure I can go with you.”

Cold gripped my entire body, freezing my breath in my throat.

“What do you mean?”

“If you’re too scared to marry me after five years together…I have to stop shaping my life around you, Lo.” Ollie hunched in a little more, hands moving to his temples to rub slowly, expression pained. He looked as though a literal weight was on his slumped shoulders, one that some unseen sadist just kept adding to, pound by pound, until sometime soon, he’d collapse under the burden.

No, wait.Iwas the one adding more and more and more weight.

“Ollie, Idowant to marry you…”

“Really? So you just intentionally sabotaged our anniversary dinner ’cause you were having a bad day?” He finally met my gaze, but his eyes were glass shards, the chiseled lines of his face so tight with pain that I had to look away.

---