Page 74 of What If It's You?

“I’m sorry, Laurel. I’m going to keep trying, okay? I’m not giving up. And if it comes to it, I’ll tell them what happened to you, there’s nowaythey’d shut it down if they knew you might…I mean…”

“Okay. Sure.” I could have let his words soothe me, but I was past that. Because how would that call go, precisely? He would tell a bunch of ultra-higher-ups that his buggy pre-beta programactually ported an employee to another universeand their entire business should wait until he—maybe, eventually—sorted out how that had happened, which might take a while, by the way, since it should have been totally impossible? If they believed him—and they wouldn’t—theystillmight shut it down. Billions upon billions inprofit motive versus a problem no one could even prove existed, even if that problem was anentire actual person…I didn’t have a lot of faith I’d win that fight. For all they knew, there might not even be a me left after they pulled the plug to get angry over the result, or anyone whorememberedme to do it in my stead.

We sat there, too stunned to speak, for several long seconds.

“On that note…I should probably get back to it.”

“Right. Yeah, okay.” I blinked rapidly, the pain in his eyes so intense, and so real, that it made my own impending who-knew-what loom that much larger. Then it hit me: This loss might not just be mine. In the other world, Drew had asked the question because we weren’t happy, but in this one…

“Drew, in case this is the last time we get to, you know…talk…” He winced. “I have to ask, were you still…hoping?”

“Hoping what?”

“That it would be us,” I said, sorrow tightening my throat. “That we would wind up together. I mean…you asked the question however many months ago, and we’ve always been…close…”

He smiled softly.

“Laurel, you’re an incredible person, you know that, right?”

“Oh god. So youhavebeen holding out hope?”

“Sorry…no.” He shook his head.

“Wait…what?”

“I mean, have Ieverwondered if we would have worked out? Of course. You’re a total catch, that’s why I asked you out in the first place. But Laurel…that was almost fiveyearsago.”

“But…but you asked the program about that day…”

“Yeah, because we had to input inflection points that happened at the Pixel offices, and they needed to have really clearthis or thatdirectives in order for the AI to understand what we were asking of it. After the Luke and JaeHo screwup, I wanted to be absolutely certain no one else could input the same question I did, so…you know…” He grimaced. “But like I said, you’re a total catch. It’s not like I don’t still know that.”

“It’s okay, Drew, my ego can handle the fact that you’re notpining,” I said with a weak laugh. I could feel embarrassment heating my cheeks, because hadn’t I been so sure? But just behind it, there was a wash of relief: I hadn’t been torturing him all those years, our friendship wasn’t just some long game he was still hoping to win. We loved each other, but we weren’tin lovewith each other. “Honestly…I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page.”

“So…you’re okay, then? With us? Because I really do think you’re an incredible person, even if I don’t…you know…”

“Don’t worry, Drew, we’re good. I just want you to be happy.”

He smiled gently.

“Okay, well…good luck, Laurel.”

“You too. I’ll see you on the other side. Or, you know…I won’t.”

He nodded solemnly, opened his mouth for a second, then shook his head and clicked off the call.

So that was that. My fate was now officially in the hands of a computer program that spouted Mr. Ed lyrics to prove how clever it was. There was nothing left that Drew—or I—could do to change whatever was going to happen to me.

Because Ihadtold the program that my choice was fixed. I’d been thinking as hard as I could, all day long—and before that even, in both worlds—that I choseOllie. That the life I wanted to continue was withhim. That there was no “what if” for me with Drew. And then, briefly, I’d tried to think the opposite and that hadn’t worked either.

Which meant…there had never been anything I could do. Whatever was happening with me had been out of my hands from the moment I imagined the same choice that Drew had. I’d been doomed from the start.

All because I’d been too blind to see that whatever might be…less than perfect between me and Ollie—and since when did I think relationships ever achieved perfection?—there was still so much more magic and possibility threaded through our lives together, so much more to explore with him than I could have possibly foundwith anyone else. I’d been so focused on what might happen down the line, on the possibility that forever would prove too much for us to bear, that I’d never realized Ollie was quietly undergirding all myright nows,that he’d chosen me even when it meant not choosing himself. God, how fucking selfish could you get?

“Lo…are you okay?”

I startled at the sound of Ollie’s voice in the doorway. He was stretched out along the jamb, staring at me with obvious concern.

“I’m fine. Why?”

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