But when I look back into his eyes, it’s only sincerity I see.
“Summer-Raine, you were right about everything, I was just too stubborn to see it. I thought leaving Cara after losing our son would be the worst thing I could ever do, that I’d be just as bad as my dad if I did. But in the weeks following your parents’ funeral, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said.”
He pauses and takes a long breath.
“There was this one night, I can’t even remember exactly what it was really that sparked it, but Cara and I were eating dinner in total silence like we always do and something in my head just clicked. I finally fucking realised that forcing myself to stay in a marriage where neither one of us is happy isn’t helping anyone at all.”
His thumb shoots out to catch a tear as it rolls down my cheek. I didn’t even realise I’d started crying.
“You chose her over me,” I choke, remembering how shattering it was when he refused to even entertain the idea of being with me a month ago.
“No, baby.” He holds my face in his warm hands and softly brushes his thumbs across my cheeks, soothing me. “Even if I decided to stay in the marriage, it would be impossible for me to choose her over you. Because, Summer-Raine, there is no option for me but you. It’syouwho has my heart, it’syouwho owns my soul. I belong toyou. I will only ever belong toyou.My marriage was born out of obligation and it has never been anything more than that.”
I sniff, gazing up at him.
His lips are so close to mine that if I angled myself just an inch closer towards him, I’d be able to touch them. I wonder if they’re still as soft as they were the last time I felt them. I wonder if he still tastes as sweet, or if he’s been soured by all the trauma he’s endured over the years.
He’s looking at my lips too.
And his eyes take on that kind of dark, hooded look they used to get whenever he was about to kiss me. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and then he’s closing the distance between us.
But I can’t let it happen.
With all the self-control I’m capable of, I set my hands on his chest and gently push him away.
“I can’t kiss you while another woman still wears your ring, Auden,” I whisper.
He was moments away from kissing me. After all this time, after everything that’s happened, the man who I’ve loved since I was seventeen was about to kiss me. And I stopped him.
He nods once, then clears his throat into a clenched fist. “Yeah, I get it.”
Even though I pushed him away, I can’t stop myself reaching for him again and taking his hands in my own. Now that I’ve felt his touch again, I’ll die if I have to endure another moment without it.
“Tonight,” he says, walking towards my front door. “I’ll be back tonight, if you’ll have me?”
I laugh, because I’ve never heard a more ridiculous question. “Always.”
“And then you’ll be mine again?”
“I already am, quarterback.” I smile through happy tears. “I already am.”
Chapter Thirty-two
Summer-Raine
I should have known something was wrong.
Rain has been pelting at the windows for hours now, but it hasn’t brought me peace the way it usually does. Normally, I find it grounding. Today, it’s only added to the strange, sinking sensation I feel in my stomach.
They say you should always trust your gut and yet, like an idiot, I ignore it.
Instead, I busy myself in the kitchen making dinner for me and Auden. I’ve never been particularly skilled at cooking, but I’m trying my best. There are meatballs heating on the stove and I know it’s not the most romantic meal, but I figure we can re-enact the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp. It’s the kind of thing we used to do when we were younger.
I’ve laid out a blanket on the floor surrounded by tealights and pillar candles in varying sizes. I bought his favourite red wine and a cheesecake for dessert that we can feed to each other before he makes love to me in the bed where I’ve slept alone for so many years.
But eight o’clock passes with no sign of him. Then nine, then ten.
The food is cold on the counter and the candles have long burned out.