Page 56 of The Truth About Love

All he has ever done is pour his love into me. He cherishes me with every touch, adores me with every caress of his fingers and brush of his lips over mine. He loves me with an unconditionality that I’m not worthy of. And there is no one in this world less deserving of my poison than him.

He deserves a kind of love that I can’t give him. He deserves to be with a girl who can return all of his tenderness and devotion with the same ardour he shows her. Who treasures his Midas touch and turns his gold to diamonds.

Because all I’m capable of is turning it to coal.

But he would never turn his back on me. His heart is so damn pure and good that walking away from our relationship wouldn’t ever be an option for him, even though I’ll never be able to make him truly happy.

A silent tear slips down my cheek as I realise what has to happen now.

Auden would never leave me.

So, I have to leave him.

The truth is, I’ll probably never live a happy life. Auden can, but he won’t if he chooses to love me for the rest of it. Setting him free is the only way to make sure he lives the incredible life he deserves.

But I’m a coward. I’m not strong enough to look him in the eye and break his heart. Just one word from him would make me change my mind and backtrack, and I can’t let that happen.

So, I take a moment to breathe him in. If this is the last time I’ll ever see him, I’ll use it memorising every millimetre of him, searing the shape of him into my mind so that there’s no way I’ll ever be able to forget it. Classes are over now, graduation and senior prom are the only school events left and I’m not in any shape to go to either. Summer will pass and Auden will go off to college in the fall. I don’t know what will happen to me, but I know that I can’t go to FSU with him like we’d planned.

This really is it.

This is the last time I’ll ever breathe in the same air as the boy who stole my heart.

I suck air in through my nose, filling my heart with the safe, woodsy scent of him until my lungs are bursting. Tears leak from my eyes unrestrained and it’s getting harder and harder to stay silent.

I can’t risk drawing his attention and having him see me, so with one last lingering look over him, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep.

For hours, we remain that way. At some point he reaches for my hand, curling his fingers around it, and it takes everything in me not to throw my eyes open and beg him to climb into bed beside me.

The warm touch of skin only reminds me that I’ll never feel him hold me again. Never again will I feel the softness of his lips or the way he worships my body with his hands.

My heart shatters.

The longer he stays sitting beside me, the more my heart splinters into tiny unmendable fragments.

I wish he would just leave.

Ironic, isn’t it, that this is only happening because I was trying to force myself to feel something and now that I finally do, I want nothing more than to lose the ability again. Because nothing has ever hurt more than saying goodbye to Auden, even if he doesn’t know it’s happening.

Eventually, I fall asleep and when I wake up again some time later, he’s gone.

But I’m not alone in the room. My sister, Winter-Skye, smiles worriedly up at me from her place in the same chair Auden was occupying only hours ago. Her long, mahogany hair is piled into a bun on top of her head and looks as if it hasn’t seen shampoo for a little while.

She was blonde once, like me, but she’s been dying it for as long as I can remember because she claims that, contrary to popular belief, it’s brunettes who have more fun.

I can’t argue with that. Look at me. Look at where I am. I’m as blonde as the angels in heaven and I’m hardly someone you’d enjoy spending time with.

Maybe I was for a minute or two not so long ago, but that girl wasn’t really me. She was an imposter. A happy, carefree pretender who doesn’t exist anymore and never will again, not without Auden.

“You okay?” Winter asks, cringing at the sight of my bandages, IV’s and urine drainage bag.

“Just peachy.” I press a button at the side of the bed to help me into a sitting position, looking around at my small room. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

She grimaces. “You know them, super busy.”

Of course, they are. Their daughter is immobile in a hospital bed with a multitude of serious injuries after effectively falling off a cliff, but I’m sure that whatever business lunch they’re at or team meeting they’re in is more important than checking to make sure I’m okay.

“Sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I didn’t see the messages on my phone until this morning, left as soon as I did.” She pauses. “Was that your boyfriend I passed on the way in?”

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