Page 94 of The Truth About Love

And that’s when I realise. Ican’tlet him say goodbye. It’s my sickness that won’t allow us to be together, but what would happen if I got better? If I opened myself up to the possibility of recovery,truerecovery, at an inpatient facility or somewhere that can offer the help I’ve always pretended I don’t need, would a future together be possible for us?

I would stop hurting him and he would stop trying to fix me.

“Auden,” I rasp, cupping his cheek.

Our bodies stop moving he stares at me, waiting for whatever I’m about to say, but he still remains inside me.

“What if I got better?”

“What?”

“What if I accepted help?” I stroke the hair at the back of his head as I talk. “What if I went to rehab and got better?”

“I don’t understand,” he whispers.

“What if this doesn’t have to be the end for us?”

His eyes widen as he realises what I’m saying. I’ve always been so adamant that I would never go to a rehabilitation centre or actively seek help for my condition. I thought doing so would make me weak.

But maybe all this time I’ve been wrong.

Maybe the weak thing would be to let the love of my life go again because I’m too damn proud to admit that I need help. Maybe finally admitting that I’m not okay is actually the brave thing.

“But you said that you can’t imagine anything worse than being locked in a place full of pyschos and crazies.”

Yeah, I did say that. Word for word.

“I was wrong.” I cup his face in my hand and he leans into my touch. “Nothing could be worse than losing you.”

He blinks, tears of his own swelling in his eyes. They spill over and run delicate tracks down his rugged face.

“You’d really do that?”

I nod. “I’d do anything if it meant finally getting to love you the way you deserve.”

I kiss him then, showing him with my lips how desperate I am for him to understand what I’m saying.

“Baby,” he shakes his head with a small smile, “it’s not like I’m innocent, is it? You deserve more than someone always trying to fix you.”

“But if I get better, that won’t happen anymore.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and that one gesture says more than any of his words ever could.

“So, what are you suggesting?” he asks.

“That tomorrow we don’t say goodbye, we say see you later.”

His face lights up, a smile so beautiful breaking across his face that it takes my breath away. I feel him twitch inside me where we’re still connected, his body responding to me just as powerfully as his heart.

“You think I’d ever say no to that? To the possibility of being with you again someday?”

He lowers his head to my shoulder and presses soft adoring kisses over my collar bone and up the length of my neck. My entire body trembles. I reflexively clench around his dick and his head falls back as a low groan slips rumbles in his throat.

My breathing picks up and I clench again. His hands shoot to my hips and his fingernails dig half-moons into my skin.

“Shit, baby, stop.” He clenches his jaw. “I can’t concentrate when you do that.”

That makes me giggle. It’s the first genuinely happy sound I’ve made since I saw my nephews last.

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