Page 95 of The Truth About Love

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubs his nose against mine in a gesture so innocent and childlike I almost giggle again. “So, you’re really going to do this?”

I don’t even hesitate. “Yeah, I think I am.”

It’s a weird sensation, this epiphany I’m having. It’s anticlimactic, yet world-changing at the same time. It has shifted my entire perspective on life and yet it’s so glaringly obvious that I can’t believe it hasn’t occurred to me sooner.

Why should I have to live without Auden if I can do something to keep him?

For so long I have read poetry that make bullshit claims likeyou are the master of your own destiny, but now is the first time I’m stopping to think that maybe it isn’t bullshit at all. Maybe I really am the captain of my soul.

He grins, this glorious smile that could light up the entire city, before flipping us over to lay over me again.

He flexes his hips, driving himself into me. And just like that the conversation is over. The tears on our cheeks dry as our hearts come alive with light and love and hope. It’s such a stark difference to the mournful, grief-stricken way we were making love before.

Before, we moved in gentle rolling waves.

Now, our bodies rut against each other in frenzied desperation. It’s primal, this thing we’re doing together. It’s not sex, it’s more than that. It’s an apology for the past and a promise for the future. It’s everything that we are. Messy. Stormy. Tempestuous.

When we find our ends together panting and moaning in harmony, I’ve never felt such euphoria. In his arms, I am finally alive. And I know in this moment that there is nothing I won’t do to have this feeling for the rest of my life.

***

“So, what happens now?” I ask Auden later, my head on his bare chest as my fingers draw love hearts around the freckles on his skin.

He looks down at me with his arm bent by his head, cheek resting on his fist. “You tell me, baby.”

“There’s a rehab facility in Tampa that I’ll check myself into tomorrow.”

“I’ll drive you,” he says instantly.

“You don’t have to do that,” I whisper.

He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Try and stop me.”

“You know,” I roll onto my front and rest my chin on my hands, looking over at him. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. It could be a while.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“You could meet someone else.”

The thought alone is devastating, but it’s true. I could be gone weeks, months or years. Who’s to say he won’t fall in love before I have a chance to come back for him?

But he laughs like the idea is ridiculous. “Pretty girl, listen to me. There is no one else in this world for me but you. It has always been you. And I will wait as long as you need me to until you show up on my doorstep and tell me its time. I’ll wait forever, baby.Forever.”

I blink back tears at his words.

This is really happening.

I’m going to go to rehab, the one thing I swore I’d never do. I’ll do whatever needs to be done to get better and only once I’m ready, only once I know for certain that I can love Auden the way he deserves, only then will I come back for him.

And,my god,will the wait be worth it.

“Promise?” I ask, tangling my fingers with his.

“I promise.”

PART III

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