Page 64 of Can't Get Enough

I watch helplessly as she stretches out on the carpet, heaving sobs shaking her body. Her voice goes hoarse from screaming disbelief.

“What is going on?” Aunt Geneva asks, rushing from the kitchen, two plastic bags still bundled in her arms. “Betty, I hear you all the way outside.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” I say, and realize for the first time that my own cheeks are wet. And I’m not sure if the tears are for Mama finding out again that her husband has died, or if they’re for me facing the reality of never seeing my father again by a twist of fate and the carelessness of a stranger.

Aunt Geneva sets the grocery bags down on the floor and approaches Mama with a sure step.

“Now, Betty,” she says, crouching down beside her, balancing on the balls of her feet. “You’ll make yourself sick. You need to stop all this hollering.”

“But she said that…” Mama points at me like I’m a stranger. “She said that John was dead.”

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” Aunt Geneva soothes her. “Let’s go to your room and lie down.”

“You’ll lay down with me?” Mama asks, her voice hushing even as her eyes remain wild and searching.

“I will. Just like old times,” Aunt Geneva promises, pulling Mama to stand. “Remember what Grammy used to say when it was storming?”

“She saidit’s coming up a cloud.” Mama chuckles, sniffing. “And when it was raining, but the sun was still shining, she’d saythe devil’s beating his wife.”

Aunt Geneva loops her arm through Mama’s, subtly directing their shuffling steps down the hall. “And remember they made us turn out all the lights when it was storming? And unplug everything?”

“And we had to just wait till the storm passed over. And it was dark.” Mama looks to Aunt Geneva for confirmation. “Wasn’t it?”

“Itwasdark, so we played bid whist with candles,” Aunt Geneva says.

Mama drops her head to Aunt Geneva’s shoulder. “You cheated.”

“Me?” Aunt Geneva squeaks. “Daddy cheated. You know he always cheated at cards.”

“He did.” Mama’s chuckle drifts down the stairs. “Ma would say,Now, Mo.”

“You know better than that,” the two sisters finish in unison, laughing in harmony.

It’s quiet for a few seconds, and my ears strain to catch more of their conversation. Finally my mother’s voice comes softer, barely audible.

“Sissy, I’m gon’ be all right?” Her words float on the air as uncertain as a feather tossed in a tornado. My heart, still trembling and fragile from watching my mother relive my father’s death, from reliving it myself, shatters. Hot tears burn my eyes and I have to cover my mouth to catch a sob. It’s not fair. None of it is fair, and my rage and my sorrow run together down my face.

“Betty, I’m right here with you, and you’ll be all right,” Aunt Geneva says, and I don’t understand how her voice doesn’t shake with tears.

A few minutes later, Aunt Geneva comes back downstairs to find me still standing by the window.

“I forgot,” I whisper. “The doctor said don’t argue, don’t contradict. Redirect to calm her down, but I just… froze and forgot it all when she said Daddy was still alive.”

“It happens,” Aunt Geneva says, bending to retrieve the grocery bags from the floor. “We not gonna get everything right and we won’t remember everything. You’ll remember next time.”

Next time?

I don’t want there to be a next time. Not another time when Mama relives Daddy’s death in a cruel trick her brain plays on her heart. There will be a next time, though, and with the advice from the doctors and from Aunt Geneva still ringing in my head, I promise myself next time I’ll be better prepared.

CHAPTER 19

MAVERICK

Me:You there, Hendrix?

I replied to her text message about the trip to Colorado almost an hour ago, but the message seems to be unread. I asked how she was doing, how her visit home was going, and she never responded. I should leave it there. It’s none of my business really.

But I’m coming to the end of doing what Ishoulddo when it comes to Hendrix Barry.

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