Page 37 of Vengeful Lies

“I don’t understand why,” she said, fighting back a wave of tears. She was physically and mentally exhausted, she still hadn't been able to sleep well in the hospital last night, and her brain was not quite able to comprehend the fact that she was safe. Trying to figure out what Cade had been thinking when he’d made this decision was too hard. All she wanted was for him to come home. To be safe. To not die in her place. Essie needed him and … she did too.

Even if he could never really be hers, she still wanted him in her life. Wanted things to go back to how they’d been before. Before he confused her by going to her room, finding her doll, carrying it around with him, and then dropping the bombshell that she was his daughter’s guardian and the new owner of his house.

“Because he knows you love Essie more than anyone else and that the best place for her is with you,” Cole said gently.

“Better than with all of you?” she protested.

“We love that kid with every fiber of our beings. She’s family, blood, part of us. But this doesn’t change anything,” Connor said. “We still get to love her, and we were all in agreement when Cade told us he wanted to do this before we made the exchange.You love Essie like your own and you're the only mom figure she’s ever had. She belongs with you.”

“But I'm an outsider, not really one of you.” Gabriella hated saying the words, but they were true. They were always true. She was always on the outside looking in. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t seem to find her place in the world. “Like you said, you're Essie’s blood, her family. I'm just the nanny.”

“You're not just the nanny, and you know it,” Jake barked at her, startling her from her decline into a deep pit of self-pity.

“You're part of this family,” Jax reminded her.

“You know that, don’t you?” Cooper asked.

When she shrugged in response, she got five glares from the guys, and three sympathetic smiles from the girls.

Taking a seat at the table, Susanna reached over and placed a hand over one of hers. “I get it, Gabriella. I really do. I've always felt alone like I never had anyone at my back. Until Cole it was true. I know we haven’t known each other for very long but you and Essie were the first people to make me feel like I was important, like I was part of something. That note and the donuts you left outside my apartment after I was raped, they meant everything to me.”

“How can you go out of your way to make sure Susanna felt included, and not know that every single one of us consider you a part of this family?” Cole asked, then dragged his fingers through his dark hair.

“I know you all care about me, I do. You're the first people to make me feel like I was a part of a family, but the reality is I'm not. I'm just Essie’s nanny, I work for Cade, I'm an employee not a relative.” It wasn't that she was ungrateful for everything they’d done for her, making her feel like one of them, but she felt emotionally drained and completely raw right now.

This was just too much to handle.

Too much potential for failure.

What if she failed Essie like she had all the babies she’d lost?

The universe had decided for her that she shouldn’t be a mother, yet Cade was trying to thrust it on her and she was so overwhelmed.

“I don’t want to hear you say that again,” Jake snapped.

“Honey, I think there’s something you're missing. Something important,” Willow said as she took a seat on Gabriella’s other side.

“What?” she asked, desperately, but she needed someone to help her make sense of this.

“Everything the guys said is true. You are a part of this family, everyone cares about you. You are the only mother figure Essie knows, and you absolutely should be the one to have guardianship of her. But none of that is why Cade chose you when he could have picked one of his brothers if that was what he wanted.”

“Then why?” she whispered.

“Because he cares about you,” Willow answered.

“Cade … doesn’t see me as anything other than the nanny,” she said the words, had one hundred percent believed them up until yesterday.

Only it was the doll that changed everything.

By all accounts, he had been clinging to it like a security blanket since she and Essie were abducted along with his daughter’s teddy bear.

Why would he do that if he didn't care?

“Cade sees you as everything he’s afraid to have in case he loses it all over again,” Jax corrected.

The tears that had been building burst free and tumbled in earnest down her cheeks. Having Cade return her feelings was everything she’d wanted after about the first six months of working for him.

But she didn't want it like this.

---