That was the million-dollar question.
When he’d lost Gretel, he’d been convinced he would never be able to get over her, and while she would always hold a piece of his heart and she’d left a piece of hers behind in Essie, Gabriella now also held a significant piece of his heart. Living without her presence was nothing other than hell, but he couldn’t risk losing her too.
It was better to shove her away of his own volition than risk witnessing her death.
“Gabriella has been part of this family for a long time,” Conner reminded him. “Longer than Willow and longer than Susanna. Yet we’re protecting both of them, Becca too, andEssie, and Cassandra. We put precautions in place, they failed, but we can adjust, tighten things up, and keep our family safe.”
“You're trying to play God, Cade,” Susanna said gently. “Trying to control everything. I get you're the oldest, and you take responsibility for all your brothers and your sister, for Willow, Becca, and me too, and of course for your daughter. But you're not God and not responsible for all of us. You're allowed to make decisions that are best for you.”
“Even if it costs Gabriella her life?”
“You can't control the future. You protected your wife and still lost her anyway. Life sometimes just happens,” Susanna said softly. “You can't stop it, but you can enjoy it. You can grab hold of the happy moments and not let them go. I know that’s what I'm doing with Cole, it’s what he taught me.” She gifted her boyfriend a bright smile and he felt the love pulsing between them.
The same love that flowed between Connor and Becca, and Cooper and Willow.
The same love that he could have with Gabriella if he could get over his fear of being selfish and potentially costing her her life.
Which he wasn't sure he could do.
Because he’d barely survived losing Gretel, losing Gabriella too would finish him off.
September 18th
5:53 P.M.
Her entire body ached.
The kind of throbbing pain that was hard to ignore.
Although Gabriella was giving it her best shot.
She was embarrassed to admit, even to herself, but she’d just kind of … given up.
All her life she’d been fighting to survive, keep going, and find her place in the world. After believing she’d found it with Cade, Essie, and the Charleston Holloway family then losing it, she just didn't care anymore.
What was the point of searching for something that didn't exist?
At first, she’d thought she had to find a way to keep going, to figure out what her next step was, work through her pain, and come out the other side stronger than ever. But the more she thought about it the more she wondered why.
Why did she have to keep going?
Why did she have to figure out her next step?
Why did there even need to be a next step?
Why did it matter if she got stronger or weaker?
As far as she was concerned, nothing mattered and it made zero difference if she just lay there and did nothing for the rest of her life.
Technically, she could if she wanted to. She had enough money that she didn't have to work again if she didn't want to. Had enough money to do anything she wanted, including giving up and staying in this hotel room.
When her phone, which was lying somewhere on the large king-size bed, dinged with a message, she considered ignoring it. After their visit the other day she blocked every one of the Charleston Holloway brothers and their girlfriends. Well, all except Susanna.
For some reason, she couldn’t make herself do that to a woman who, even though she had a family, had spent most of her life alone. It felt too unfair, and she didn't want to hurt Susanna, she’d already been through enough.
Or maybe it was her way of keeping a fingerhold on the world.
It wasn't that Gabriella wanted to die, not exactly anyway. She was just tired of living.