Page 16 of The Prettiest Outlaw

“I’m not having a pity party. I’m simply stating the facts. Sometimes, you have to say things out loud…put them into the atmosphere. The Bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue, and those who love it, will eat of its fruit. These thoughts clamoring around in my head ain’t doing nobody a bit of good, nor are they bringing my hopes and dreams to fruition.

“I wanted to be a wife. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be a wife. But instead of pursuing that, I pursued a man who already had the very thing I was trying to be. Why would Briscoe ever have needed me as a wife when he had a whole wife at home? It was stupid of me, but I called myself in love. Well, what I learned was that you can be your own worst enemy. You can position yourself to miss everything you claim you want out of life.

“I could have let Briscoe go on about his business and married a man who wanted to marry me. I didn’t do that. Instead, I raised the boys he gave me and watched y’all grow older with each passing year that he stayed married. I stayed while he gave me crumbs and gave the sons we created nothing but crumbs. I gave up my dream of being a wife and bought into his dream. I regret doing that. Every day, my prayer is that God will remove the regret from my heart. I don’t want to have any more regrets, so I have to tell you what’s on my mind.”

“I’m listening.”

“Nico, I want to see grandchildren before I leave this earth. I want to see both you and Donovan marry and fill your homes up with babies. I want daughters-in-law to do all the things I dreamed of doing with the daughter that I never had. I want to talk to my friends about what my grands are doing, how fast they’re growing, how much they remind me of my boys when they were little.

“I was so close to having that… two times. You had Emerald, and you loved her so. But we all knew the diagnosis, so I knew there was never any guarantee that you two would make it to the altar. That cancer was aggressive and relentless. But losing Nevaeh was very unexpected… and the way we lost her… tragic.” Her head shook back and forth. “Though I pray that my Dono will open up his heart and love again, I am just as sure that now is not the time. He’s still too mad and too mean. There is no woman who deserves him in this state. But you, Nico. Do you think you’re ready? Do you think you’ll ever be ready?”

* * *

My mother’s question stuck with me. From the time I woke up in the morning until the time I laid it down at night, my mother’s question played in my head. It was bouncing around in my head, even as I sat behind my desk at work, preparing for my day. I felt like the main reason the thought kept hanging around was because I didn’t have an answer.I wasn’t sure if I was ready to get serious about a woman again. Maybe. I wasn’t sure.

I had only come out of my office to distribute paychecks to my employees, but when I was at the front counter, I couldn’t help but to chat with Kayla.

“Hey. Here you go.” I slid her both the envelope containing her paycheck and the sign-off sheet that said she received it.

“Thank you.”

“Who do we have picking up today?”

“Uh…” She stroked the keyboard of her computer until the screen she wanted popped up. “Mrs. Washington is picking up the blue Maxima. Ms. Cordova is picking up the white Chevy Tahoe, and Ms. Outlaw is picking up the red Acura MDX.”

No sooner than the words left her mouth did the bell connected to the front door alert us that somebody had opened it.

Dressed in a surprisingly form-fitting leather puffer coat with a furry collar, matching thigh-high black leather boots, and oversized square shades, Julianna Outlaw walked right up to the counter. Once she was close enough, the smell of her perfume invaded my nostrils and the only thought in my mind wasdamn!She looked and smelled like brand new money.

“Hey.” Kayla gave her a wide smile. “How may I help you today?”

“Hey.” She included both Kayla and me in her greeting. “I’m here to pick up my truck, but I’m hoping we can talk for a minute.”

That statement was directed at me.

I nodded slightly before turning to Kayla. “Can you have Khalil bring the Acura up, please?”

“Sure.”

I stepped out from behind the counter, wondering what Julianna needed to talk to me about. I led her into my office then took the seat behind the desk while she took a seat in front of it.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done with my truck?—”

I cut her off, amusement glinting in my eyes. “You haven’t even seen it yet, lil bit.”

“I know. But I know you do good work, and I’m thinking that you probably did a little extra for me because I’m family.”

“I did.” I nodded my head. “I did a few things. I’ll show them to you when we go through your truck. Langston already settled your payment… as much as I would let him. I didn’t really want to take money for your wheels. I mean, like you said, you’re family.”

“Thank you for that.”

She took a deep breath before clearing her throat, so I figured that she was about to get into why she asked to speak to me.

“Umm, I…I was talking to Bunny. I was telling her that I feel like I need…grounding. So…so umm?—”

I cut her off because all of the hemming and hawing was making me anxious. “Spit it out, lil bit. You got my nerves on edge.”

“Sorry.” She gave me a small smile. “I’m nervous to ask you this, but I’m also kind of distracted by your…chest.” She gestured toward my general location.

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