Page 130 of Deeper

Sympathy tugged on his face; his green eyes sad for me. “I’m sorry, Bia.”

“Me too.”

The driver pulled off and out of the driveway, making his way back to the The Residence-Pasadena. Unlike on our way to the dinner, the sun was down, and it was dark out. But my heart was darker. It pounded violently in my chest and I choked on air as I struggled to breathe.

What really stung, was that I’d let my guard down. For so long I kept everybody at an arm’s length, and Zander had been no different, except he wanted in, just to use me up and break me. Just to have somebody to pass the time until he could get back into Jolie’s good graces.

Rajaa was in the suite when I got in, laying back watching TV.

“Hey, Bia, back so— What’s wrong?” He sat up, examining me, worry crossing his face.

Rajaa had always been nothing but nice and accepting to me, and for that I fought my urge to scream and not take my pain out on him.

I went for the master bedroom. “I wasn’t here.”

Rajaa was confused. “But—”

I closed my door on him and pressed my back against it. At the loud interruption of “Chill” I could finally cry. As much as I wanted to break down and pile myself on the floor, I kicked into autopilot and began collecting my things to go, all the while ignoring the repeated sound of my phone ringing.

I just wanted to be gone, as soon as possible, but I didn’t want to make my exit dressed all pretty. I didn’t feel like I looked, and for that I was quick to slip into the bathroom and take off my makeup and wash my face.

My phone pinged again and again. A single look showed me a stream of notifications from social media. I was being tagged in photos of Zander and Jolie. Fans openly mocking me for being a rebound. Others showing support in my embarrassment.

All I saw was the look on Zander’s face. The smile he held in a candid. Jolie’s back was to the camera, but there was no missing Zander’s joy. Ten minutes went by as I scrolled through my phone and I kept going back to that single photo. In real time, the whole world could see the ending of Zander and me play out as he was back in the grace of his ex.

As if my heart could take another dive.

My hands gripped the edge of the counter, willing myself to calm down as I practiced breathing normally.It’ll be okay, Bia. Just get as far away from here as you can.

In the bedroom, I sifted through my bag to find something to put—

The door shut, and in my peripheral vision, I saw him go and rest against it.

Zander.

I hoped and prayed with all that I had that he didn’t come close. I didn’t trust myself or my emotions. I was on my last seam, ready to tear into pieces.

Zander was quiet, taking in my bags on the bed and my state of packing up. “I looked for you at the party. Paul gave me shit about Jolene and told me you left. You wouldn’t answer my calls. And now I come back to you packing up to leave.”

“Fuck you, Zander.” My voice wasn’t strong enough to properly yell, to really let him have it.

Zander blinked, angling his head. “Fuck me?” He looked away and bobbed his head. “Why don’t you be an adult and tell me what the hell is going on? If this is about Jo—”

I couldn’t do this anymore. Not after seeing him with her in person. “Did you fuck her in New York?”

All at once Zander stood before me expressionless. Cold. Distant. His hands were in his pockets and his erect posture and straight face had me feeling weaker and more inadequate.

He suddenly chuckled, a mean grin on his face. “I told you what I did in New York.”

“It sure as hell was hard to—”

“I’m talking, Bianka,” Zander cut in, his tone clipped and detached.

How dare he. How dare he stand there while I was breaking inside because of him. All of me was in pain, bleeding, and he had the audacity to go cold. “Fuck you, Zander!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “There is no Jolene for me. But you see her standing with me and that means I fucked her? I sawyoustanding with Teddy, but am I in here questioning you? Especially after what he’s done?”

I was standing with Teddy. I hadn’t gone off with him. “Fuck you!”

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