Page 138 of Deeper

I placed my phone facedown after that.

Victoria entered my room after knocking on my bedroom door. She approached me cautiously, unsure how I was dealing. After crying the whole way home, she knew to give me space when I’d gone straight to my bedroom.

“Hey,” she said gently. “What’s up?”

Zander’s team denied the video was proofhewas on coke, but they also stated the video was old. His much thinner frame could attest to that, not to mention the absence of his newXXXtattoo.

Now Victoria wanted to know how I was holding up. So many thoughts were running through my head, tiny ones where I was thankful we’d broken things off and I wasn’t attached to this scandal. Those thoughts were small and selfish, no match for the piece of me that didn’t care about how risky it was dating someone of Zander’s stature. I wanted to be there for him.

He hadn’t said a word about this leak or about the song.

I placed my hand to my heart as I got out of bed and began pacing around, my head racing. We were going through a fight, but truly, it wasn’t over, not by a long shot. He’d saidfuck youand walked away, but he’d promised me at a time before that when it was over he’d look me in the eye and tell me so.

Zander hadn’t done that Saturday night.

Swallowing, I faced my best friend. “How are you feeling? As his biggest fan?”

Victoria frowned. “I didn’t know he used coke.”

Because it was private information he’d disclosed to those closest to him. If Zander had have gone back to Jolie, I would’ve been heartbroken and upset, but I wouldn’t have exposed him like this. Done something so treacherous to get back at him. What did I have to gain by hurting someone I loved? All night I cried for him, because I hated to see this happen to him.

I hugged myself and heaved a sigh. “He told me, but he said it’s been almost three years.”

“I can tell. He was so skinny in that video,” Victoria said as she came and sat on my bed. “This had to be during theDamage Controlera because he didn’t even have some of the tattoos on his left sleeve yet.”

Old news, the video was old news.

“Bia,” Victoria spoke up. “What are you feeling right now?

I bit on my thumb, contemplating my next move.

Maybe…maybe I should call him.A text was so impersonal at a time like this.

That tiny selfish part of me noted I could just walk away and clean my hands of this messy life before I got in too deep, but my heart had already waded away from the shallow end weeks ago.

In the end, as I lifted my head to face my best friend, I knew my fate. It was something I’d wanted to do the moment I’d heard “Pride & Failure.” The moment I had seen the leaked video. The moment we left the club.

Zander’s voice was in my head as I crossed my room, going and grabbing my purse.I’m going to fight for you, but will you fight for me?he’d asked me.

Yes, Zander, I’m coming. I’ll fight.

I tried to listen to the radio, but I couldn’t because they were discussing Zander. I couldn’t listen to music from my phone because my shuffle was still onExposed.

I drove in silence to Beverly Hills, racing against traffic to get to the man I loved.

Now wasn’t the time to get emotional; now was the time to be strong. I had a lot to say, and lord willing, I wasn’t leaving Zander’s estate until I said it.

It was no surprise to catch Paul’s BMW as I pulled into the parking area in front of Zander’s house and parked. Of course he’d be here for Zander. Outside of being his manager, he was his most loyal supporter. Someone Zander definitely needed in his corner right now.

In the rearview mirror, I found my reflection. I was trembling, unprepared and totally scared for what the future threw at me—atus, but there was no turning back. For my whole life, I’d been a fighter. My mother had raised me to be. Pryor broke my heart when he walked out on me, but I fought and forged on. My father broke my heart when he strung me along to keep up appearances, and begrudgingly, I cut him off and forged forward. Fighting was all that I knew how to do, but somehow, with Zander, I’d rebelled against him.

He was the only person outside of Victoria who had foughtforme.

A glimpse at the watch on my wrist could attest to that. It could’ve been any other girl, but it was me.

And to think, it started with a slap.

A sad smile formed on my face and I managed to gather myself together enough to get out of the car and be a big girl and march on.

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