Page 83 of Deeper

Zander paused. “Is that too much? Does it hurt?”

Vigorously, I shook my head, consenting to the punishment.

His hand came down hard on me once again, the sensation causing me to bite my lip.

“Say you’re fuckin’ sorry,” Zander ordered.

“No,” I protested.

Another slap.

Why did I love this?

As much as I wanted to hold back, to rebel, I was close, and I wanted it to last a little longer. “I’m sorry,” I let out.

Zander took me deep, rough, and I loved every second of it as I screamed louder than I ever had before, loved that position better than I ever had before, came harder than I ever had before.

When he finished, Zander collapsed on top of me, coming and kissing my shoulder.

“Don’t ever do that shit again,” he breathed out.

I was spent, unable to move. “If I ever see him again, I’ll be sure to get his number.”

In seconds Zander was turning me over and staring down at me. Boldly, I laughed, loving the hint of attitude and jealousy on his face.I moved a lock of hair out of his face and smiled gently.

And then he kissed me and I got it. Understood him completely.

I was his and he was mine.

Zander came and lay behind me, taking me into his tattooed arms and holding me close. I ran my fingers up and down his ink-stained skin, admiring the look and feel of us.

For a while, we lay like that, me massaging his arm and him just holding me. We breathed in sync and just existed.

It hadn’t been long, our relationship or what we were building, but already I loved it here. A lyric from The Notorious B.I.G. came to mind, and I couldn’t have agreed more; this whole thing felt like a dream. I was in a sexually frustrated funk over my last relationship and here was Zander,wantingto please and satisfy me. I was in a lonely mood after seeing my father and brother, and here was Zander, wanting to spend time with me and just be.

This was happiness. This was more.

“Zand?”

“Hmm?”

“You know I’d leave again if you ever went crazy like that again, right?”

“I know. That’s why I like you, Bianka.”

Because I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t serious about him or wouldn’t hold him down, I went on. “If something ever happened, and the world came crashing down around you, I would be here, no question. I just don’t condoneyoubeing destructive and rude to people who are here to help you.”

“I know.” He held me closer, letting me know he wasn’t upset.

It was quiet again, but it was comfortable. We didn’t always have to speak, that was another thing I liked about us; we could just be together without forcing it.

“What’s something you always wanted when you were a kid?” I wondered out loud.

Zander didn’t hesitate to conjure up an answer. “To make my father proud. My mum, she’ll support me no matter what, but my dad, he was just this force, this cool guy in my eye, and I always wanted to impress him and make him proud of me.”

“I’m sure you managed that feat and then some.”

“Nah, I haven’t. I haven’t even gone on tour and sold out arenas. I’ve been slacking in my career and not taking full advantage of this opportunity. He’s told me he’s proud of me and congratulated me plenty of times, but I know my full potential and I know I could be doing way more than what I am.”

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