Page 140 of Deeper

Zander pulled his attention from his staring, facing me. His mood didn’t lift, yet the sight of him took my breath away like always. He, like the others inside, appeared tired and drained. The five o’clock shadow covering his jaw and the dullness in his eyes were evidence of the past few days for him.

“How are you?” I asked in a small, uncertain voice.

A corner of Zander’s lips quirked up. “Swell.”

He was being sarcastic, but his word choice wasn’t lost on me. He was using my lingo.

As if I could love him any more than I already did.

I bit my lip, trying to stay calm. “Nice word.”

Zander gave a lazy shrug. “Learned from the best.”

Short and quick responses. He was closed-off, and rightfully so. So much had happened.

“I thought long and hard about coming here,” I confessed.

Zander lifted his hooded eyes up to mine. “You don’t want to be here?”

I clasped my hands together, wanting to tell the truth. “Honestly, no. I’d rather be pulling up on Jolie so I can kick her ass, but I don’t know where she’s staying.”

Zander snorted. “What are we going to do with you, Bianka?”

“Love me,” I said softly, because it was all I could bring to the table, and he knew that.

“I do, but canyouloveme?”

“I’ve loved you since you freed me from my father, ever since you got me this watch.”

“Then why did you run?”

“Because…because I thought you were still into Jolie. She got into my head and I thought…I thought I didn’t stand a chance, especially after you went away with her.”

“Why didn’t you fight for me like I fight for you?” Zander questioned.

“I’m not going to fight over a man who wants to go,” I argued, shaking my head. “I can’t be that person again.”

Zander appeared wounded, his shoulders sagging further. “I was wrong, okay? I should’ve never left you alone. You should’ve been right by my side the whole night. I was taking a picture with Remy and Galen, and Peyton and Jolene walked over and I should’ve moved, but I didn’t want to be an asshole. A while later I’m taking the piss with my sister and the guys and she comes to stand next to me.

“She asked me if I was happy and all I could do was smile at the thought of you. I told her I was absolutely happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

My heart ached at the revelation. “Zander.”

Zander shook his head in shame. “I saw you with Teddy and I got upset, I won’t lie, but I was with Jo and I figured why cause a scene? It was just one night of bullshitting. We could get through it. But then she had my hand, she wanted to talk, and I just—I should’ve stayed where we were.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “You should have. She made it very clear she could have you whenever she wanted, and how was I supposed to feel seeing you together immediately after she said it?”

A muscle in Zander’s jaw tensed, a flash of anger coating his eyes. “She’s a terrific actress then. She was in my ear, she was being friendly, and it didn’t do anything for me. I told her I was happy with you, and she was smiling and calling you pretty. Then the next thing I know, we get back and you’re gone, and Paul’s yelling at me for being with Jo. I just booked it to the hotel, just to see you running—again.”

“Nazanin wanted you together, Jolie was in my head bragging about taking you back, and then you looked so happy to be around her and you didn’t put up a fight when she had your hand, and I just couldn’t deal.”

Zander shook his head. “I loveyou, Bianka, okay? And it hurts when you run instead of talking to me. I would’ve rather walked into a screaming match than to see you there packing your bags to go. I ask you what’s wrong and you hit me with a ‘fuck you.’?”

I let out a pained laugh. “I thought that was our love language.”

Zander rolled his tongue over his upper lip, trying his best to fight his smile. He peered out at the city once more. “I left and went to the studio. It was the only way to communicate how I felt. I turned off my phone and just stayed until that song came out solid. On Tuesday I got word of Jolene’s posts, and Naz was telling me it wouldn’t be so bad for me to take her back.

“I didn’t know she was talking shit to you, but after seeing her posts I could tell she wasn’t being genuine when she was complimenting how good you and I looked together. I’ve never wanted to bash her, but to play with my emotions…that’s a level of disrespect I won’t tolerate.”

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