Page 22 of Deeper

A teardrop landed on my screen and I hated myself for breaking, for reaching out, for being so dumb, so lonely, so needy—so easy to dismiss. To say goodbye to.

My sadness was full steam, and I was raw. Rage and ruin. All of my heart nearly scattering to the floor as I fought the urge to vomit as tears stung my vision.

I wanted nothing more than for the roof to cave in and for all six levels to fall on me. And so I squeezed my knees to my chest, hanging my head and waiting for it all to crush me. I waited. And waited. And waited.

Until the buzzing of the dryer let me know my load was finished.

5

TIGHTROPE

Acolorful arrangement of roses greeted me as I walked into work on Tuesday morning. The roses, a mix of dark and light pink, sat in a glittered vase on the service counter.

I had just spotted the card with my name on it when my coworker, Holliston, came out from the back room. She was carrying a box of new inventory to stock. Pop music from her playlist was playing throughout the store.

“Oh, hey,” Holliston greeted me. She nodded towards the bouquet. “Those came for you yesterday.”

“I see.” I eyed the flowers, wondering who sent them.

Holliston set the box down by an empty display table. Her blue eyes flickered my way, as she nervously tucked a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. “They’re from Roderick.”

Of course.

I snatched the card and read over his cliché ass handwritten note.

You’re one in a million, girl – R

His gift wasn’t lost on me. It was nice, especially after the day I’d had Monday. “Oh wow.”

Holliston gathered her boxcutter and squatted down to open our new merchandise. “What’s it say, ‘Sorry for being an asshat’?”

Leave it to Holly to keep it respectful and not truly cuss Rod out. “More or less.”

“Gonna take him back?”

Before the concert, before Zander, maybe I would’ve allowed myself to fall for it.

I touched a petal of a light pink rose. “Nah.”

“Good.”

An acoustic song began playing and I watched as Holliston transformed into an even softer version of herself. She was closing her eyes and soaking in the lyrics.

I’m a little bit reckless

A little bit on the edge

Some kind of maniac

But I’m dyin’ young tonight

Don’t leave the light on

I know your heart’s on the line

But I’m dyin’ young tonight

The male singer’s raspy voice really enveloped Holly under a spell.

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