Page 51 of Deeper

Closing my eyes, I cursed myself for not being stupid instead of selfish. “It’s not Rod.”

“Well that settles that. Call me when you get in and I’ll come right over. I don’t like how you sound.”

“Promise,” I swore before we ended our call.

Maybe it was best to just go home and call her over immediately. Or else I wouldn’t be able to sleep with worry clouding my senses.

It was partially mean to just abandon Zander without a goodbye or explanation. But we were only fooling ourselves thinking we could go beyond this weekend. We had our time, and now it was over.

A text alert came through on my phone and I looked down to find Zander himself texting me.

I didn’t freak out b/c I was ashamed of you or havin you at my home. We were in the middle of somethin and Naz just popped up. I’m embarrassed she would think of you in such a negative light and assume you were there for money. I never want you to be uncomfortable in my presence or my home

Thank you

Don’t let this take away from the fact that we both want this

Zander let’s be real

I AM. I know what I want and that’s YOU. Nothing’s going to get in the way of that

Now my eyes were misty and I hated feeling so emotional. Everything was at stake and yet I was ready to risk it all.

Abstract?

Abstract

And I was his, and he was mine.

11

YOU CAN’T HIDE

Iwas in bed when Zander got in. He called out for me, but I didn’t answer.

When he found me, I heard him sigh and take off his pants and jacket. He crawled into bed behind me and wrapped an arm around me. His touch was cold. The smell of weed and cigarettes filled my senses.

I let the scent wash over me as I pretended to be asleep. Not too long later, I was.

* * *

Usually, I slept in on the nights I was closing, but since I had to get back home to change and meet Victoria, I was up early Monday. Zander was still asleep when I got out of bed. I thought about leaving a note as I went into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth.

It felt like running, but maybe I was. I couldn’t get Nazanin and her rudeness out of my head. It wasn’t fair to compare, but Zander was more coveted and valued on a much bigger level than Rod. My trust issues couldn’t take another hit.

Don’t psych yourself out of this, Bia, I told myself as I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel.

And then, as if to really dissolve all trepidation that was plaguing me, Zander stepped into the room.

“Mornin’,” his sleepy voice said to me.

He showered while I went back to the bedroom to towel off and get dressed. I put on my clothes and Zander gave me a free concert as he sang loudly in the shower. He belted out the lyrics to Prince’s “Insatiable” and the corniest smile crept onto my face.Zander didn’t need autotune, because he hit those notes impeccably.

How could I walk away from this?

For the first time in a long time, I felt good, happy, desirable.

Zander appeared in the bedroom, dressed in only a pair of jeans and a faded Ice Cube T-shirt. His hair was slicked back, but there was one rebellious lock freely hanging in his face. I wanted to go and coil it around my finger, tug on it and bring his mouth to mine.

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