Page 55 of Deeper

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“About what?” she wanted to know as she refused to let me inside to talk properly.

I wondered if she’d hit me, and if I’d take it on the chin and charge it to the “Girl Code.”

“About Zander.”

“About Zander,” Victoria repeated, agreeing eerily calm. “About the one guy I’ve been obsessed with for the past seven fucking years. The guyyourolled your eyes at every time I brought him up? The one guy I was dying to meet?”

Her tone of voice, her coldness, ate at me. “I know, I know, I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” That hate I’d feared the morning after I hooked up with Zander didn’t surface, just betrayal. “Tell me the truth. Just when did you meet him?”

I swallowed as my vision drifted to the ground. “At the concert. I hit one of the scalpers in the face and he pulled a knife on me. Zander came outside to smoke and that’s when we linked up. I was going to walk back up front on my own, but he insisted that he give me a lift to be safe.” I looked up, finding Victoria engrossed in what I was saying. “It was chaos and I tried to get out of his truck to find you, but he wouldn’t let me go. He didn’t think it was a good idea. I wanted to call you but my phone was dead and Zander and his guards weren’t about to let me use theirs. So we went to his hotel—”

“And you fucked him,” Victoria cut in.

“Not right away.” I cringed, because in a way, I had. “I was so mad at him for you, and his other fans, and I was snapping at him, called him lazy and compared him to Teddy. One minute he’s just sitting there at his piano, and the next he’s in my face… I don’t know how it happened, but one thing led to another and we just collided.” I clasped my hands together hard and loud, imitating the explosive connection Zander and I had found. “It was like everything I’ve never experienced, and I couldn’t even call you up to brag because it was Zander fucking Khalil.”

“You lied, Bianka.” Victoria was hurt, shaking her head at the sight of me. “And you went back. That’s what hurts the most. You should’ve just told me you met him and you hooked up.”

There were no words. Because she was right. I could’ve told her from the start I’d met Zander. We could’ve linked up and it could’ve been her and Zander as an item, as a pair.

But why didn’t I like that what-if? The possibility of not having Zander? Of never having started this thing we were trying out?

God. Iwasselfish.

“I’m mad, and I have a client to work on in an hour, so I can’t talk right now.” Defeat singed through in every word Victoria was saying and I was the cause.

“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.

Stiffly, Victoria nodded her head before going inside and shutting the door.

Holliston was waiting on me when I entered Angles for my shift. A few shoppers were inside sifting through our selections while Holliston sat at the service counter. She took one look at me and had to do a double take before immediately making a beeline in my direction.

Zander was a big deal, and I wondered how long it’d be until people recognized who I was, and found me out.

“Oh my God,” Holliston let out as she marched over in front of me. She was wearing a T-shirt with Teddy Sykes on it, and I almost asked if it were for my benefit or not. “How the hell…? What the hell…? Bianka.”

This was going to be a long day. I got clocked in and put on my name badge and went about preparing to stock new arrivals and read the itinerary for the week’s latest sales. Apparently, my coworker, Chekina, called off for the night and Holliston was willing to stay and work her hours. Really, that girl was a saint.

“So?” Holly asked me a couple hours into my shift when business was slowing down.

I propped my elbows on the front desk and hung my head. With Victoria pissed at me—at least, hopefully for the moment, all I had was Holliston. So I unloaded on her, telling her about the wait in line, my naïvely going behind The Warehouse to track Zander down, the scalpers cornering me, Zander stepping in, my slapping Zander, and the rest of our short history.

In the end, Holliston sat beside me so unjudging and open. I loved that about her. We came from two different worlds, her from a middle-class White family who were uber positive and nice, and me from a middle-class Black family that had torn apart the moment the matriarch died. I loved that Holliston tried to just get people and understand. I wasn’t a complete pessimist, but next to Holliston’sglass-half-fullpersona, I was definitely lacking.

“Wow,” she said after I’d finished with the events at Victoria’s doorway. Her blue eyes ran over me curiously. “So…do you think he has Teddy’s number?”

A random and loud laugh escaped me. “Seriously?”

Holliston shrugged. “What? This is the rarity of all rare things. I have to ask.”

“So, Jake is done-done?”

Holliston pouted. “No, we’re figuring it out.” She picked at her nails, shy about this fact. I wanted to tell her she could do better. Because she deserved better.

“Take it easy, Holl,” I said instead.

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