Page 58 of Deeper

“And that’s understandable. I’d be upset too if I went out of my way to pay to see someone and they potentially just piss off.”

“So, can I ask, what happened? What made you decide to just not do it?”

Zander took a second to think of how to word his issues.

Holliston blew out a breath, nervous and curious at the same time beside me.

“I’ve just been in my head a lot. It’s sorta, like, an uphill battle. I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was in So What. Back then, it was easier to manage because I was in a group with four other people and the spotlight wasn’t just on me. I could hide within myself. Being solo feels like more exposure; a wall goes up and I psych myself out. I had plans to go on the road, and I think, honestly, I just jumped the gun and pushed ‘enter’ too soon, you know? Like, I got excited about the idea and didn’t think it through enough.

“I once saw a tweet that sorta went, like, ‘No one is built to know what a million people think of them.’ Or something like that, and it’s absolutely true. This life is already a mindf—k as it is being in the spotlight, and tossing in some hate makes it even harder,” Zander confessed.

“So, is touring completely off the table?” Eddie asked. “I know you have to get your head together first—because mental health should always be anyone’s top concern before anything. Health is wealth.”

“Thank you. And that’s where I am right now. I want to take a good second to breathe and mentally prepare before I jump into this, because I know I’m ready, and seeing the ticket sales, I know my fans are too, and I just am incredibly grateful for all those who’ve reached out in support of me and haven’t jumped ship,” Zander stated. “I’ve been thinking about Z3 a lot, and I think it’d be better if I drop that later this year and then go on tour, make it worth it, make it long and memorable.”

“Yo, that’d be fire! I still have your first two albums in heavy rotation. The synergy onExposedis just…beyond words, man.” Kacey sounded like she was in a daze, further making me want to hear Zander’s first two albums even more.

“Thank you, thank you. Hopefully Z3 can be up there as well.”

“Speaking of new music and Z3, what are you working on? Don’t just be comin’ up in our spot to put us in check, Zander,” Eddie said with some sass. “Sing us a little somethin’, let us see you still got it live.”

“Uh, wow, right on the spot then, huh?” Zander laughed into the microphone.

“I’m just sayin’, the people want to know what’s the hold up, Mr. Khalil,” Kacey egged on.

“Uh, um, okay. I’ve got something that’s been tinkering around in my head. So, bear in mind this is a freestyle or whatever,” Zander warned.

Eddie clicked his tongue. “Just as long as the vocals are on point, we rockin’ with you.”

“Can we make the room absolutely quiet?” Zander requested.

Someone in the room cleared their throat and all at once the air went silent.

And then I heard his voice, singing a capella:

Your body is a canvas

Baby let me paint the ways

Strokin’ in slow motion, babe

Let’s get on the same page

I’ll sculpt your body right, girl

Makin’ art all night

Could drown inside your watercolor, just think I might

Zander sang without flaw or error and then he stopped. “Okay, that’s all I’ve got.”

“Holy shit, was that off top?” Kacey asked.

“Yeah.”

“Damn, I want the full thing.”

“You guys can tell me if it’s rubbish, it’s okay, you won’t hurt my feelings. I’m still working it out.”

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