Page 89 of Deeper

“No!”

Zander rolled his eyes and released me. He sat up and clasped his hands together, staring out at nothing. “I like everything about you, except your pride. This wall you put up before me grates on my last nerve. Your ego is your worst side, Bianka.” He looked back at me, letting me know he was serious. “Here’s what I’m going to do, and because I’m not going to intrude, I’ll give you two options, but either way, Iwillhelp you.”

“Zander—”

“One, I’m going to go and give you a songwriting credit on ‘Canvas.’ It’s doing really well, and that’ll bring in a lot of money,” Zander went on.

My eyes watered once more and I choked on a sob. “No.”

Zander’s stoic expression alerted me to his growing impatience as his nostrils flared. “Two, in thirty or sixty days—hell a week from now, if you can’t find a new place to live, you can come live with me.”

I hated those options, and he knew I would. “Absolutely not.”

I watched as Zander ran his hand down his face. “Bianka.”

“All my pride is all I have, please,” I begged. “Iinspired‘Canvas,’ but I didn’twriteit, and I won’t take your money. I like you a lot, but I can’t live with you. It makes me feel like a charity case.”

Zander hung his head. “What am I supposed to do? Just watch your demise?”

“I’m going to talk to my dad. He’ll understand,” I said.

Lindenwood brought on a lot of painful memories and reminders, but I could stomach it. I was strong. I hadn’t seen my older brother in three years, but I knew he still came around to visit our father. If he came by, it would hurt me deep, but I could stomach it, I could endure.

“Can I go with you when you ask?” Zander reached back and grabbed my hand. “In support? I won’t speak.”

I hated how fast my heart was ready to cling to this man, how much of a beacon of hope he was becoming to me.

More tears rolled down my cheeks and I managed to nod. “Yes.” I wiped my face up. “I’ll just call off tomorrow and go and pay him a visit instead.”

“Okay.” Zander squeezed my hand. “I gotta go to the studio tomorrow night, but my morning’s wide open.”

My cell phone rang and I curled up, unable to face anyone else for the day. So I let it ring, and when it died down, it picked back up again.

Zander didn’t hesitate to grab it and answer it for me. “Hello … I’m, uh, Zander … Hey, Victoria … Bianka’s not feeling well, but I’ll let her know you called … Uh-huh, ’bye.” He set my phone back on the table and slid the ringer off. “Can I stay with you? Tonight?”

There was no more fight in me. I’d won in my battle against allowing him to unfairly give me money for his song, and the possibility of making room for me in his home. I liked Zander, I really did, but this was my mess to figure out and solve.

My pride was all I had, asIwas often all I had.

Together we climbed into my bed in my bedroom, where Zander wasted no time in holding me close. Lying there, safely in his arms, nuzzled against him, I felt a little better.

“I’m sorry I won’t let you help me,” I spoke up. “I’m not used to anyone having my back. Outside of Victoria, I’ve always had to handle my shit on my own after my mom died. I don’t even get intimidated by men because I’m used to taking up for myself. I used to joke with Tori that I’ve never met a man whose dick is bigger than mine.”

Zander patted my arm, sneaking me a smile. “Well, my dick’s bigger.”

I bit my lip, so strangely happy despite the impending eviction and the idea of approaching my father. “I mean it, Zander. What you tried to do meant a lot. This isn’t easy for me. God, I wish we could’ve known each other for a little longer before I broke down and cried in front of you.”

“Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed,” Zander said. “We can’t forget the night we met I was on a downward spiral. I’m my own worst enemy with my career. I almost lost my shit with Baby and you were there to kick me in the ass about it.”

His troubles were different than mine, but I could understand his point. When things were crashing down for him, I had been there for him. In fact, ifhelost it all in the morning, I knew without a doubt I’d open my door for him until he got back on his feet. Because I was just that type of person when I cared about someone; there were no limits to my giving then. I’d be championing him full force, just like how I was in the process of him working on his album.

It was hypocritical to deny him the same.

“Who’s Baby?” I wondered.

Zander’s face went blank and he shook whatever thought he’d been thinking away. “Teddy. It’s…it’s just a stupid thing from our past. It’s nothing.”

I didn’t push, because it was clear that the topic of Teddy Sykes would be a sore one for a while for him.

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