Page 122 of The Sweetest Devotion

After all this time by myself, caged off from everyone and everything, this woman slipped through the cracks and got in.

Deep down, I knew she’d never have to use any of what I was teaching her. She was going to marry a rich man in December. After that, she’d be set for life.

“Doesn’t really matter, Betty,” I admitted. “I never saw what happened with Leila coming, and it hurt. This thing, I know in advance.” I tapped my temple. “It’s smarter not to get too attached and wrapped up in it. It is what it is.”

Betty reached out and patted my knee. “You know, tomorrow isn’t exactly promised for people my age.”

My fists balled up at the thought. “Don’t talk like that Betty.”

Her brows furrowed. “Why not? It’s the truth. Don’t let it hurt you. I don’t wanna leave here and not see you happy, Big Man. And you don’t need a woman for that, just yourself.”

I hadn’t seen Kennedy in over a week. That first week flew by without a peep and more than likely this one would too. Even if I never saw her again, I hoped things worked out and she didn’t have to marry that weirdo. That she could go on and make decisions for herself.

Betty Jean’s words hadn’t fallen on deaf ears. I needed to be happy, with just myself before I could ever be happy with someone else. The crazy thing was, I hadn’t spent my week sulking, or feeling sorry for myself, but instead, I’d caught up on things I’d needed to do around the house. Enjoyed a show or movie, and focused on work. I was whole.

I wasn’t sure what the future would bring, but I knew that I was okay, that I was going to be fine, and for that, I was solid.

23

By some miraclemy mother managed to get a hold of LeChé for a last-minute consultation before she was due to fly out to Paris for some heiress’s wedding.

We had her studio to ourselves as she promised us exclusivity and her total attention. After all,Iwas West Coast royalty. It was “an honor,” she’d claimed.

All around me as we sat in a private fitting room were rack upon rack of wedding dresses waiting for me. There were whites, off-whites, nudes, and a mysterious rose one I couldn’t help but crane my neck to peek at.

As I sat on a sofa in my vintage Baby Phat tracksuit, taking it all in, I couldn’t bring myself to get into the groove of things.

Stephanie and Elyse were due any minute to join us for the pageantry of my trying on dresses and being measured, and I honestly couldn’t muster up the energy to pretend to care. LeChé was off somewhere rummaging around for something she needed. It was just my mother and me as I tried my very best not to cry.

I did not want this.

My mother flicked her wrist out, eyeing the watch on it. “Everybody should be here by now. Did you give Jadyn the right address?”

I hung my head. “She’s not coming.”

At once I could feel my mother’s gaze on me. “Well, then, she’s certainly missing a lot of these events, isn’t she?”

It wasn’t that Jadyn was being an awful friend, it was just that I didn’t want to put her through this. Her support meant everything, but she was too real to come around and “fake the funk” as she would say. One look at my empty eyes and she’d call out my parentsandCain—no matter how fine she thought he was. “It’s not her, Mom, it’s just…none of thismeansanything to me. She wants to be here, butIdon’t even want to be here.”

My mother sympathized with me as she frowned. She was sitting across from me on a matching baby blue and white striped chesterfield. Between us was a clawfoot glass coffee table with complimentary glasses of champagne. I was sad enough to drink my troubles away, but I didn’t trust myself with too much alcohol in my system. Being a nondrinker, I was a lightweight. Who knew if the stuff would act like truth serum and get every raging thought weighing me down out of my head.

“Does she know?” my mother asked gently, alluding to my affair.

I nodded.

My mother looked elsewhere, no judgment passing over her face. “Well, what’s he like?”

My stomach lurched at the thought of disclosing information about Keith.

My mother snorted. “Oh, come on. At least let me know what this young man is like. Where did you meet him? Doesheknow about what’s going on?”

My lips stayed closed and a visceral pain had my fingers clutching the material of the seat cushions.

My mother noticed. She calmed down her approach. “Kennedy. I haven’t said a word to your father or anyone else. What you have going on is safe with me.”

In my past relationship with Gaius, while I hadn’t told hereverything, she’d still been up to date on us. She knew whenever he sent me flowers, whenever he wanted to take a trip, and whenever he was upset about a game. She was my mother. I could come to her for any and everything. She’d always welcomed me with open arms and all I wanted to do in that moment was fall into her and confess my sins, but I remained seated instead.

“Keith is good to me,” I said in the end. “I, uh— When I left the engagement party that night I went to Bedford Heights and caught a flat tire. He came to help me and we just sorta happened. He’s such an amazing guy. He’s hardworking, honest, making a difference for his community, and he could do a lot better, but he doesn’t see that yet.”

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