Page 114 of The Sweetest Devotion

But the thought of someone else having her, touching her,teachingher, made my stomach hurt.

This situation was both maddening and sickening, and I should’ve walked away for my own good.

I did no such thing.

“Yeah,” I said before I ended the FaceTime call.

Feeling restless and stressed, I climbed out of bed and went out for a cigarette.

21

My mother wantedto go out for lunch, just the two of us girls. It had been a while since we’d gotten any alone time. The betrayal and engagement were a fresh wound, leaving us distant.But Tuesday afternoon when she called me up and asked to take me out I found myself indulging her.

This strife between my parents and me was hard to navigate. I loved my parents. Being on the outs with them felt foreign, especially given my father’s health. As I sat across from my mother at our favorite brunch spot, the one on Townsend Boulevard where all the best shopping was located, I felt my heart throb at what was. They had never disappointed me as much as they had now with this marriage arrangement.

I thought if Cain wasn’t so horrible, instead a well-meaning, awkward heir, then perhaps I could’ve seen the harmlessness in their insisting I marry the man. But no. Cain wasn’t any of those things. Confident. Poised. Quiet. Enigmatic. Cain could only be summed up so succinctly.

My mother didn’t share the same diet as I did, but for brunch at The Cabana Lounge, we shared a vegetarian Cobb salad. She limited herself to one mimosa since she was driving instead of having one of her and my father’s drivers drive for us.

Mimosas were okay, but I opted for the Cabana’s house fresh juice. A fruity blend of guava, pineapple, mango, and orange. It was delicious.

“Ugh.” My mother suddenly breathed out as we continued to eat from our large salad. “I’m so glad we did this, you know? Ineededthis, Kenn.”

I lifted my attention from poking at an avocado. My mother was opening up to me, peeling back a layer of her perfection to reveal her true state: exhausted, nervous—scared.

“It’s been a long, lonnng, year,” she went on as she looked off absentmindedly. “And your father…” She shook her head, her brows furrowing at the thought of my father. “He’s a trooper, I’ll give him that. I just wish he wouldn’t fight me. I only want to help.”

That sounded like my father. He was a man’s man, from an era where men didn’t show weakness and were taught to be resilient and strong. Allowing himself to be taken care of by health officials was hard enough, letting my mother see him wince and moan was another thing. I just wished he knew that we loved him and didn’t think less of him in his condition. That we admired him for his strength and fight.

Strangely, just then, Keith came to mind. Something about him, reminded me of my father. He was a man’s man, too, and I could imagine he wouldn’t let me see him “weak” either.

I thought of the way he admitted he was sensitive and managed to smile. That took courage.

“It’s good to get away,” I said as I came back to my mother. “I think we’ve all been pretty consumed with Daddy’s diagnosis and hoping for a miracle, that it’s nice to step outside and breathe.”

My mother was quick to agree. “I just feel like we’re finally adjusted, you know? We’ve got a good team looking after him, he still can run his businesses with Phil, and Irene is great. I gotta get back on the ball. I’m so behind on the charity events around here. I’ve never been out of the loop on that. Never.”

My mother was very philanthropic. One of her passions was organizing charity events and donating money to noble causes. I liked to think that she was where I got my heart from. Some people in Hampton Hills were snobby, turning their noses up on anyone from a household that didn’t bring in over a million a year. Not Angela Nichols. She hadn’t come from a humble beginning, giving her a direct link to understanding the working class, but she was very much human.

“You’ve had your hands full. It’s understandable,” I reasoned.

“That I have,” my mother said as she picked up her mimosa and took a sip. She didn’t take time to reflect on her next few words. She said them as if they required little to no thought at all. “Sometimes I wish I could trade places with him.”

My heart sank as tears threatened to pool in my eyes. “Mom.”

She waved me off, smiling a little at my emotion. “I love that man. When we got married, we became one. I’m not sure I ever want to see a day where I’m just ahalf.”

“You won’t.” My voice cracked and I blinked to get my vision straight.

My mother reached out and dabbed at my eyes. Her gentle touch was all I needed to feel okay and safe.

“Hey, we’re not here to cry and ruin our faces,” she joked.

We were out on the town, but I wasn’t wearing makeup. My hair was even pulled up in a ponytail. But swollen red eyes was a look I wasn’t going for.

I pulled myself together and ate another forkful of salad. “You’re right. This salad is so good. I think I might order a soup for a side.”

As I gave The Cabana Lounge’s menu a quick browse, I was suddenly stumped between the salmon soup or…

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