Page 91 of The Sweetest Devotion

Keith paused and I felt him look at me. “An NFL player, huh? Your dad like him?”

“My parents loved Guy, and his liked me, too. We were together for two years, so it was a pretty close relationship.”

“And before him?”

I shrugged. “In high school I dated some kids of my dad’s friends, and in college I hooked up a little before I got with Gaius. Guy was my firstrealrelationship. I, uh, got lucky, I guess.”

“How so? Because he was a big shot?”

I wrinkled my nose. Gaius’s being a rookie to the NFL didn’t faze me. Money didn’t matter to me, as privileged as it sounded. Cain was incredibly wealthy after inheriting his father’s casino, and who knew what lay ahead come this venture with Nichols & Wagner. But Cain himself wasn’t it for me. I didn’t like feeling owned. I didn’t like living in fear around him. “Because he was good to me. My best friend has had her share of assholes and losers, and I guess I’m fortunate to not have had a heartbreak.”

My voice shook and I blinked to conceal the tears that were forming in my eyes.

I heard the moment Keith stopped pulling weeds and completely focused on me.

Nowsowasn’t the time to get in my feelings.

“Kennedy?” he pressed gently.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut to will those ugly thoughts and tears away. The guilt had crept up on me ever so slowly until it was staring me in the face. Maybe…maybe Ideservedwhat was happening with Cain.

“Do…do you want to get married? Someday?” I voiced instead.

Keith’s eyes narrowed, slight agitation rolling off him just then at my topic switch. I hadn’t fooled him one bit. He looked elsewhere, scratching at his neck. “I wanted to marry my ex. That didn’t work out so well.”

Just like that, disgust settled in my mouth. I was sure Keith wasn’t perfect, but still, I loathed his ex for making him feel worthless. Like he wasn’t good enough. Nobody deserved that.

Pot, kettle, Kennedy?

“She missed out,” I said as I struggled to clear my voice. I lazily pulled at nearby weeds and focused on the chore. “My ex talked about marriage. I did love him, but I was twenty-two with what felt like the whole world watching me and I just wasn’t sure. So, I let him down gently and fast forward to now and I guess I got what was coming.

“I had a man I loved and I broke his heart, and now I’m stuck with a man who treats me like an acquisition.” I let out a pitiful laugh. “And the crazy thing is, I’m not even worth it. Like at all.”

“You’re too hard on yourself,” Keith spoke up. He almost sounded annoyed at my self-deprecating.

“Think so?” I asked as I pulled myself together.

“Know so. That weird ass fiancé of yours doesn’t deserve you. Besides, that situation with your ex was two years ago,” Keith pointed out. “You’re twenty-four now. Do you know what you want?”

Honestly, I didn’t. Before, I’d always been fine with my schedule of yoga, hanging out with Jay, and spending time with my family. I admired that Jadyn aspired to be a fierce woman behind a camera, but I was okay with not doing anything as highbrow with my life. “Not really. You’re twenty-nine, know what you want?”

Keith peered over at me, straight into my eyes, right into my soul as he spoke. “A family.”

“You want kids?” I probed further.

Keith shrugged. “I’m not too sure about that. A family could be just me and the right woman. That’s enough for me. I’m never going to be a white-collar type of guy. I’m not going to be big time. I’m okay with this, where I’m at and what I have. I love my job, I love my family, and I love my friends. It’d be nice, you know, to just have a woman. A house is not a home without one. I can live alone, but I’d rather share my life with someone.”

A strange prickling bubbled inside of me at the thought of him getting that. Of him meeting another woman. Of him wrapping her in his strong arms. Of him breaking that angry face just to smile at her and laugh.

I hated the idea.

“See, your ex was wrong about you. You’re a good man. But me?” I shook my head, trying to shake the feelings of inadequacy away. “Do you think I’m worth this much effort, Keith?”

“That’s not a fair question,” Keith responded. “You won’t let me in.” He ran his arm across his forehead to rid it of sweat before getting back to his work. “On the surface, you’ve got this prim and proper look about you, but then you’re silly, nice, and you’re not judgmental. If you would’ve asked me the night we met if I ever saw Little Miss ‘This is Valentino’ willingly getting down to weed, I would’ve laughed. Yet, you’re out here, willing to learn, willing to do some work, and I’m impressed.

“What Idoknow, is that you’re worth the chase, worth an effort of getting to know. You’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders with this bogus deal you got goin’ on, but you’re doin’ it with a smile. And as pretty as that smile is, it doesn’t compare to the one where you let your guard down, when you’re carefree.”

I forgot how to breathe as his words wrapped me in a blanket of solace.

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