Page 67 of The Best of Us

“Okay, okay. Go to sleep. Or don’t sleep, what do I know? Maybe play a video game or something with him? He’s sixteen. He probably likes?—”

“Call of DutyandFortnite,” I said at the memory. “And you think playing video games is really the right move?”

“Dad taught you to fight and shoot before I was even born. But I’d say video games are on the safer side, and more in line with this new generation.”

“He’s supposed to be in trouble for sneaking out and hanging out with gang members. Not sure I can reward that type of behavior.”

“You’re becoming such a dad, and I am so here for it.”

I let go of a deep, exhausted breath. “At least I can rule out Colin being on drugs last night. He has the same strange reaction to meds that Alessandro does. Juliette confirmed that, too.”

“A blessing there, I guess.”

Yeah.“All right. I’m gonna go. Talk soon.”

“Okay, I love you.”

I swallowed at her use of that word. “Izzy?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t even know him, but there’s this strange feeling in my chest when I think about him. That’s love, right?” I couldn’t believe I even had to ask her that, but I didn’t trust my judgment regarding that four-letter word, especially with how much pressure built in my chest every time I was around my son’s mother, too.

“Oh gosh.” Another sigh from her. “Yes, I think it is.”

“I don’t even know him. I know him even less than I know her.”

“Well, Enzo didn’t know his twins before the doctor placed them in his arms, and he loved them right away.”

I clenched down on my back teeth at the painful memory of not being by Juliette’s side to hold her hand while she delivered our son. “I missed his birth. I missed all of it. I missed seeing the woman that I, uh . . . seeing her pregnant.”

“Sorry doesn’t really feel appropriate enough to convey how much I am,” she said softly.

I didn’t deserve a sorry, not when this was all my fault. “I should’ve woken her up. Not written a note. I never should have walked out without manning up and telling her how I felt face to face.” That had weighed heavily on my mind more than once since I’d boarded the plane to leave Aruba. Now, learning Juliette had wanted me back then, and I had a son, had multiplied that guilt and self-loathing a million times over.

“Constantine.” I heard her love, and that apology again embedded in the way she stretched out my name.

But I didn’t deserve either, and I for damn sure didn’t deserve Juliette or Colin.ButI wanted them both. I wanted them more than I could put into words, and it had nothing to do with obligation.

“I could’ve tracked her down. I wanted to find her.” I faced the demon of pride all over again. Such an ugly fucking monster.

“So why didn’t you?”

I sat back up, unraveling—another foreign-to-me feeling. “I was young and stupid; didn’t think I was good enough for her. I didn’t want to be rejected a second time. I couldn’t handle knowing her name, hearing her voice, or seeing her face again, only for her to not want me. I knew I’d never be able to get over her twice.” I couldn’t believe I told her that.What is happening to me?I dropped my face against my palm, my shoulders hunching forward. “And now that second time might come anyway.”

“All I know is you’ve opened up to me more today than you have in your whole life, and all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. To have a family. Love. And it looks like love found you in the form of a sixteen-year-old teenager. As for Juliette . . . give yourself grace and time when it comes to her, too.”

I dropped my head back onto the pillow, eyes shooting to the ceiling. “Since when are you the wise one?”

“You never gave me a chance to be. You weren’t one to take advice, only to give it.”

Fair point.

“And now I’m going to ask you to do something. It won’t be easy, but I want you to try.”

I rested my free hand on my chest, my heartbeat still flying.

“I want you to do your best not to get hung up on the past. You can’t change it,” she began steadily, “but you can focus on the time you still have left with those right in front of you.”

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