Page 168 of Ten Lords for the Holidays

“Louisa, I… I do not want you to be unhappy. My mother and your parents both want our union. I am not opposed to the idea as you are.” He hesitated, and she glanced up to see pink blossoming on his cheeks. “I can give you many things, but that might not be enough for you, and I understand that. If you wish… I will make it clear to your mother—”

“I…” She wished for this, wanted it desperately, but the thought of her mother’s wrath and her father’s disappointment forced her to say, “No. Not yet. I… I am not sure…” A lump formed in her throat, and she feared if she said more, she might burst into tears and create a scene. Already she could see ladies staring at them over their fans, talking and whispering among themselves. Gentlemen, too.

“Understood.” Harrow bowed, took her hand, and kissed it.

Louisa remained there for a moment. Only after her dear friend, Jean, approached did she even think to look about to ensure that Jonathan had indeed left. If he had seen her talking with the duke, well, he would try all the more to push her toward Harrow and away from himself. But nowhere did she see her tall, golden-haired love, and she both breathed easier for it, and her chest ached.

“Did your mother start the rumor about you and the duke?” Jean asked. Her green dress exactly matched her eyes. “Or am I mistaken, and it is not merely a rumor? Everyone was watching you two talk and laugh. Have you given up on Jonathan?”

“Of course not.” Louisa felt as if all of her energy had been sucked out of her. “I am confused. Torn. I love Jonathan, will always love him, but perhaps my mother is right. Perhaps I am foolish to think that I can be with him, that love is enough.”

Jean hugged her. “So long as you do not run off with him. If I never see you again, I do not know what I would do. My sisters torment me enough that I need to have an excuse to leave the house! You are ever so lucky to be an only child.”

“And be the sole focus of your parents’ attention? No thank you.”

“Then have all of my sisters. Please.”

The rest of the ball went by slowly, and finally, Louisa returned home. Her mother had already retired for the evening, but her father stayed awake, reading in the study. He greeted her before she could climb the stairs to her bedroom.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Oh, yes, if you consider being shocked to hear about your engagement without first accepting anyone’s hand, then I had a grand time.”

A quick change in expression crossed over his features before it vanished. Ah, so she had been right. Her mother had been the source of the “leaked” information.

“I understand how hard this is for you,” he said slowly, “but consider this. If you were the mother and your daughter was in this position, which boy would you rather she marry?”

“She should follow her heart!”

“Even when her heart might mean turning her back on her family? When it would mean giving up everything she has? If you marry that boy—”

“He has a name!”

“Hush, now. There is no need to raise your voice. Do you wish to wake your mother?”

“I am sorry.” Louisa hung her head. “I did not mean to yell.”

Her father rubbed his chin. “We are only looking out for you.”

“Are you?” she whispered.

His eyes narrowed. “What are you suggesting?”

She should never have opened her mouth, but the words came out as if her lips and tongue were moving of their own accord. “I think that perhaps you and Mother are too worried about what society thinks and what will benefit the family rather… rather than what I want.”

“What you want is nothing but a fool’s dream.”

Louisa gasped and took a step back. She would never have expected her father to say something like that. Her mother, yes, but her father?

“That was a little harsh,” he admitted. “I apologize for that but not the meaning behind it. You need to consider the reasons for our decision, and then I think you will realize that we do want what is best for you.”

“Do not you think I am the best judge to decide what is right for me?” she retorted.

“Quite frankly, no.”

Too hurt to speak further, Louisa rushed to her room and cried herself to sleep.

CHAPTER8

---