Page 71 of Speculations in Sin

Miss Townsend’s cook was a bright thing, about ten years older than me and happy to learn a new dish. We’d tasted the sweet juice once we’d mixed it and agreed our work had been good. I’d showed her how to chill it, and envied the large, built-in icebox in Miss Townsend’s larder. While Miss Townsend’s kitchen was smaller than mine, Miss Townsend had obviously installed the most modern equipment.

The cook had been grateful and sunny, and I knew I had made a friend today.

After supper, Cynthia entered to fetch the papers to take to Mr. Thanos. I’d brought them downstairs during a lull in our preparations, tucking them into a drawer in the kitchen dresser. I did not want Mrs. Bywater catching Cynthia trying to ascend to my bedchamber, or me carrying the papers down to hers.

Cynthia had donned a gentleman’s suit rather like the onesBobby wore, which meant she was ready to go out on one of her larks. She tucked the boxes under her arm and said she’d take them to Miss Townsend’s for Thanos to fetch as soon as he could tear himself from the Polytechnic. Cynthia breezed away, and I returned to cleaning and shutting down the kitchen for the night.

Daniel arrived after everyone but me had gone to bed. He knocked softly on the back door, and I let him in, trying not to be so happy to see him.

I’d saved some of the sorbet for him, which Daniel ate with glee. He didn’t speak until the orange cup was empty and he’d licked every drop of sorbet from the spoon.

“I never thought I’d enjoy ice in January,” he proclaimed.

“A refreshing treat anytime.” I’d brought him a slice of leftover chops while he’d devoured the sorbet along with the last roll Joanna’s cook had given me.

While he ate the rest of the meal, I told Daniel how I’d spoken with Mr. Kearny yesterday at Joanna’s and then about my meeting with Sir Rupert in Miss Townsend’s home this morning. I described the papers Joanna had given me and said I’d sent them on via Cynthia to Mr. Thanos.

Daniel grinned as I described how Joanna had pried out the wainscoting in Sam’s study. “A man can hide things from policemen, but not his wife,” he said. “Good for Mrs. Millburn for not betraying that the enterprising constables had missed something.”

“I don’t think Sam hid them from Joanna,” I corrected him. “From the wider world and the children, rather. The pair of them share everything.”

“An idyllic marriage.” Daniel continued eating his chop, mopping the sauce I’d spread over the meat with the roll.

“I’ve always envied them.” I drew my fingertip idly acrossthe tabletop. “Too much so, I think. I am ashamed of myself sometimes.”

“It is perfectly understandable.” Daniel’s voice gentled. “Bristow put you through a hell of a time, when you wanted a happy home and family. You are glad for Joanna but wish you had some of that happiness for yourself.”

“Yes. That is it exactly.”

Daniel ceased eating to lay a hand over mine. “You have Grace. The joy of your life. And you have me.” His fingers caressed warmth into me. “I will do everything I possibly can to make you happy. Depend upon it.”

“Don’t say that.” I snatched my hand away, uncertain why I did. “Do not give me hope.”

“Why not?” Daniel laid his fork across his now-empty plate. “I promised you I would do one last task for Monaghan, and then I plan to court you. Fervently.”

“It is as though I’m afraid to let myself be happy.” I fumbled for words. “If I let down my guard and find a modicum of peace, it will be snatched away, leaving another hole in my life. What if this task Monaghan sets you on is terribly dangerous? And you perish? Monaghan is not exactly your friend—he might decide to dispose of you in such a fashion. And then here I am. Without you.”

My lips quivered as my greatest fears clawed at me. I usually kept them at bay with hard work, exhaustion, and losing myself in moments with Grace, but sometimes the dire possibilities swooped down upon me. Daniel had become very dear to me, and I did not want him gone from my life. I also worried every moment about Grace—if something should happen to her, I would not want to go on.

“I have the same thoughts about you.” Daniel regarded me with quiet eyes. “You run gallantly about the City, trying toright wrongs and guard your friends. I know one day you’ll run afoul of the worst villain imaginable, and then I will have lostyou. I’m not certain what I’d do then.”

I tried to smile. “How shall we proceed, in that case? Both of us afraid to be happy but both afraid to let go?”

“If I had you always by my side, I would let myself be happy,” Daniel said. “And yes, I am always terrified of losing that.”

“Which we will one day, whether we like it or not. No one lives forever.”

Daniel let out a breath. “Well, aren’t we gloomy this evening? Life is sad, yes, but there is also much happiness to be had. I learned that after a youth of nothing but loss, sorrow, and anger so great it nearly destroyed me. There is joy in the little corners of the world—in the brightness of orange sorbet in winter.” The corners of his eyes crinkled. “In a lovely woman declaring she doesn’t want to lose me. In a greengrocer chasing off thieves with her long stalk of celery. We seize those moments, and we hold on to them.”

I nodded, my eyes blurring. I lived for my days with Grace, savoring every second. The friendships I’d formed as I’d struggled—with Tess, Mr. Davis, James, Lady Cynthia, and the one I’d deepened with Joanna—sustained me. Most of all, there was Daniel. Though every layer I uncovered of him only led to more, he’d remained steadfast and kind through it all.

“Let us banish the gloom, then.” I wiped my eyes. “And discuss how we are going to get Sam free. Sir Rupert seems competent enough, but there is always the chance he will lose. And I would prefer to wipe all stain from Sam’s reputation instead of relying on Sir Rupert’s ability to make the jury feel sorry for him.”

“ ‘Competent enough’?” Daniel repeated the words with amazement. “Sir Rupert is one of the most celebratedbarristers in Britain. Whether prosecuting or defending, he wins almost every time. He’ll be a High Court judge one day, and if he’s adroit enough, lord chancellor.”

“ ‘Almost every time.’ ” It was my turn to repeat words. “Sam must walk away a free man. I’ll not rely on Sir Rupert’s silver tongue alone.”

I expected Daniel to spout some nonsense about how resolute I was, but he remained somber.

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