Page 194 of Renard's Deliverance

Renard was wrapped around her like he would never let her go.

“Can’t believe I nearly lost you. A-fucking-gain.”

There was pain in his voice. Self-loathing.

He was blaming himself and she wouldn’t have it.

“You didn’t lose me. I was safe and it wasn’t your fault.” She tried to roll over in the bed to face him, but he wouldn’t let her move.

Thankfully, her headache hadn’t led to a migraine. Mostly due to Renard insisting that she take some painkillers.

“You are barely out of the hospital. You’ve been beaten and traumatized and I let them take you from me.”

“Renard, let me roll over.”

“No.”

“Let me go.”

“No!”

“Urgh, just let me face you, you stubborn ass.”

His hold loosened and she rolled over to face him in the bed. It was late and she was exhausted. Bone-deep exhausted. All she wanted was to sleep.

But first she had to take care of her man.

Because he was always taking care of her.

“You’re gonna stop thinking about this,” she commanded.

“I’m not.” He placed one hand against her face and she could feel his gaze on her, trying to study her in the dark.

“Yes, you are. Because it’s over. It’s done. I. Am. Safe.”

“But I wasn’t the one keeping you safe.”

Was that it? Was that what was worrying him?

“Do you know that I’ve never felt safe in my life,” she whispered.

He stiffened. “I know, baby.”

“No, I’m not sure you get what I mean. Never once. There has always been a threat. My mom and her parties and boyfriends. Mom’s dealer. Stefan. I’ve never lived in a good place. A safe place. Somewhere that you knew your neighbors and knew they’d have your back. Nope, I lived in shitty apartments with drug dealers and wife beaters. Never had a man make a place safe for me. I’ve never been able to open up and talk about my fears and needs. Never had that until you. When you’re with me, I feel safe.

“I had a boyfriend in high school. I thought he was amazing. He was a jock. Popular. Gorgeous. And he asked me on a date. I learned a few weeks later, when he dumped me in front of the entire school, that asking me out had been a dare. Taking my virginity was an added extra.”

“That fucking bastard! I want his name!” He tried to sit, but she tugged him back down, ignoring the way her body complained.

“Oh, don’t worry. He shot his knee out playing college football. Then he got lazy and ugly and lost his job. I keep up with his life just to make sure it’s miserable. Sometimes, social media is a good thing.”

“I can make his life more miserable,” he muttered.

She grinned. “I reckon you can. I’ll think about it. But, right now, I’m thinking I’m in a good place and I want to keep myself there. That high school asshole taught me a lesson. I already had problems trusting because of Mom. But then I really had issues. Didn’t have another man . . . not until Stefan. And you know about that. I was never safe with Stefan.”

“Wish he was still alive to torture.”

“I know.” She cupped his face with her hand. “But, again, I’m in a good place now. I don’t want any bad karma. You put out good and it comes back to you. And it came back to me in the form of a gorgeous, handsome, protective chef. And he might be mad because he thinks he didn’t save me today. But hesavedme in all the ways that count. Because he gave me a safe place to be me. To dream, to hope, to live. He keeps me safe every day. He’s my reward for all the shit. And I’m never letting him go.”

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