Page 117 of Stags

She knew if she didn’t respond, then Bruin would eventually stop texting her, but every time she thought that, she felt a stab of pain, because she’d be cut off from any information about what was happening, she wanted to know.

However, she didn’t know what to say.

Frankly, the open-endedness of it was driving her out of her damned head. She had to sit around and wait for Stockton to work through this. He had all the power.

It was infuriating.

The problem with waiting was that he would get distracted by something or someone else in the meantime. The problem with waiting was that he would go on living his life and she would go on living hers and they would not be connected to each other. The problem with waiting was that they would both get more and more used to not talking, not seeing each other, not being with each other.

Sure, it would also mean that whatever pain he was feeling over finding out she’d lost her virginity to his father would fade.

But so would the good feelings he felt about her.

All of it would fade.

Damn. It.

Anyway, what about her pain? What about how this made her feel?

She thought about going to her mother to spill her guts and decided her mother would not even understand. Then again, she didn’t think her friends would either. None of her friends had been through something like this, she didn’t think. They would probably tell her that this was what came of getting into things with friend’s exes. Maibell’s dating Stockton had made him off-limits. She was just reaping the consequences.

Except that was not the case, and Rora knew it.

So she sent a text to Tawny and Eiren, saying she needed to vent and asking if they would mind a wall of text on their phones.

Tawny texted back that they should all go out to dinner together, her treat. She said she’d love to have some girl time.

That was when Rora remembered that the other two women had said things about how they didn’t have much in the way of female friends, hadn’t they?

Well, Rora decided she was doing a good thing for Eiren and Tawny, then, getting them out of their shells and giving them the chance to connect. She promised she would listen to whatever their problems were, too, as long as they would help her out with hers.

They went to a local Chinese restaurant, and they got crabless crab rangoon and vegetarian spring rolls to eat while they waited for their entrees.

Rora spilled everything, while gesturing with her glass of ginger ale, sipping at it in between pronouncements. “And anyway, what about me? What about how this makes me feel? Why does Stockton get to act like it’s so much worse for him than it is for me?”

“Yeah,” said Eiren. “Totally.”

“Why is it bad for you again?” said Tawny. “You got to have sex with the hot dad and the hot son, right?”

“Well, no, because we never did actually get around to penetration, me and Stockton,” said Rora with a sigh. “But okay, yeah, they did both go down on me.”

“And?” said Tawny. “Who was better? Experience or youth?”

“Well,” said Rora, chewing on her bottom lip. “Stockton improved with a little coaching, you know?”

Both of the other women giggled.

“Obviously, you’re falling for Stockton,” said Eiren.

“Yeah, but why?” said Tawny. “We met him, and he was, you know, tentative and sort of tongue-tied. Not a beacon of confidence.”

“Well, I don’t want that in a man,” said Rora. “I mean, I think what I want is someone that I can feel safe with, and how do you feel safe to be vulnerable around someone who won’t be vulnerable with you?”

Both women looked a little troubled, but neither said anything.

“I mean,” Rora pressed on, “I read a lot of romance novels. In those stories, a girl always falls in love with a guy who’s powerful or rich or really together in some way. He sails in and makes things better for her. Even if he doesn’t physically rescue her from danger, he rescues her in some other way. He takes care of her. And I thought I wanted that, but now I realize what I really want is to be with someone who doesn’t think I need rescuing, who sees that I’m imperfect and doesn’t try to fix me, just accepts me. And if he’s imperfect, too, I don’t mind. Maybe I like that.”

Eiren furrowed her brow. “Hmm. You don’t have to fix yourself to be in a relationship? A relationship doesn’t fix you?”

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