Page 131 of Stags

He drew back. “No.” He cleared his throat. “No, I guess… you really just like that shit? You just like going to pub crawls?”

“I wasn’t doing it to torture you, Lyall. You fucking volunteered to accompany me.”

He bowed his head.

She felt antsy. “I’m not moving in. You don’t actually want me to move in. You want to, like, control me, and I guess I’ve always known that, but for some reason, it seemed kind of hot, so I let it slide, but now, you’re doubling down. You want to control all my movements, keep me here, where I’m under your watchful eye, and it’s, like, textbook abusive behavior, and—”

“Hey!” He glared at her. “No. It’s not.” He ran a hand over his ears, looking at the ceiling. “It was really self-centered of me to assume your socializing was an attempt to do some kind of, uh, toxic flirtation with me. I am ashamed that Ididthink it was about me. That’s… inexcusable.”

She shifted on the bed, fingering the sheets. “It’s okay.”

“So,” he said. “you’re not trying to trap me. And I’m not trying to trap you. I promise. Please believe me.”

She nodded. “Okay, I do.” He wasn’t abusive, that was the thing. Mostly, he was aloof and uninterested. He did not attempt to control her. It was just… the sex… and itwashot. Then she lifted her gaze, horrified. “Wait a second! You thought I wanted to trap you, and you were going to let yourself be trapped?”

He shrugged. “I mean, I thought it was what you wanted.”

“No,” she said. “No, I would never want you to make sacrifices like that for my happiness. Never. I want you to do what you want and me to do what I want, andonlythat.”

“Eiren, I think making sacrifices for another person’s happiness is what a relationship is.”

“Well, this is not a relationship,” she said. “We agreed that.”

He squirmed. He actually looked hurt.

“Not because I don’t…” She reached out to touch his chest. “I like you, Lyall.”

“I think I love you,” he said matter-of-factly.

Her lips parted. She said nothing at all.

“I knotted for you,” he said in a low voice. “That has to mean something. And I like being around you. And we won’t smother each other. We can live here, and just do our own thing most of the time, and it’ll be fine, and I like having you around. I like your scent and your presence and looking at your fucking adorable tail. Just move the fuck in, Eiren.”

She drew back. “And you’restillasking me to move in.”

“You don’t want to?”

“No!”

“Why not?”

She climbed out of the bed. “I told you. It’s too soon.”

He considered. “Okay, maybe. It’s only been a couple months.”

“But… do we have to?” She lifted a shoulder. “Do we have to be on that whole traditional romantic trajectory?”

“I think so,” he said. “I have a knot for you. I am in love with you. Do you not love me back, is that what you’re saying?”

“It’s just…” She felt like she couldn’t breathe. “It’s a lot, Lyall. It’s a lot to go from casual exclusivity to… to…”

“Okay,” he said. “So, you don’t.” He bowed his head. “Do you, uh, do you hate me?”

“What?”

“Well, you jumped to abusive real fast. Maybe you think this is… maybe you want something… maybe—”

“Maybe I want not to be ambushed like this,” she said, and she got out of his bed and gathered up her clothes and ran out onto his porch.

---