Page 21 of Stags

He had thought he would never lose her. More than that, he would never lose that identity as being part of that unit. He had felt, when she left, like she had taken so much more than just his happiness and his security.

He didn’t know who he was anymore.

The rut had seemed like a good idea, but look at him, drunk off his tail hours before midnight. He was pathetic.

He tried to remember what was a good idea to help the spins.

Water, right?

Shouldn’t he drink water?

He got a bottle of water from the mini-bar, knowing he’d be charged for that when he checked out. The rates for the rite were pretty reasonable, really. Most of the cost was covered by various deerkin groups who wanted to preserve the traditions of the rite, so he couldn’t complain about what he’d paid to get into this thing. He could afford a bottle of water.

Even so, after he downed it, he filled it up from the tap in the bathroom.

He guzzled bottle after bottle of water, hoping to feel better.

Instead, the spins seemed to intensify. He felt nauseated. He ended up on his knees in front of the toilet, vomiting up every single drink he’d had that evening, which was when he belatedly realized he’d forgotten dinner.

No wonder you’re so trashed,he thought, his cheek against the tile in the bathroom.

That was where he fell asleep, lying on the bathroom floor, after vomiting not only all the alcohol he’d drunk, but all the water he’d drunk too.

TAWNY PARTED WAYSwith the other women, saying she was going upstairs to her room. The others said they were doing the same, and they all rode the elevator up, each getting off on different floors.

Tawny pretended to be going up to her room—she didn’t know why she was pretending—but after Eiren got off on one floor, Tawny rode the elevator back to the bottom floor and went to the courtyard.

It was 9:30 around that point. She quickly spotted that cocky son of a bitch Athos, who looked as if he was already three sheets to the wind. She avoided him, maneuvering her way around the perimeter.

In the courtyard, there were strings of outdoor lights hung over the area. There were tables set up with appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and chips and salsa and a cheese ball that was made from nut-cheese, not dairy. She wasn’t hungry, but she nibbled at crackers and some of the nut cheese, trying to decide if it tasted like walnuts or cashews.

Time passed.

She didn’t get another drink.

At some point, she caught sight of Rora, who was seated at the bar, drink in hand with a tall, black-haired stag leaning against the bar next to her. He did look older, maybe, sort of. He was attractive, though.

Good for Rora,she thought, smiling.

At another point, she saw Eiren, who was sipping wine and standing at the edge of the courtyard, peering off into the night.

Tawny could have approached her, but she deliberately stayed out of the other doe’s sight. She actively avoided conversation with anyone, in fact. If someone spoke to her, she was polite, but she excused herself quickly and got away, somewhere she could be alone.

She was nervous, she realized.

Could she evendothis?

Stranger sex.

In the dark.

After beingchased.

It was 11:30 when she retreated to her room. She told herself she was just too tired, something that seemed supportable because she was yawning as she changed into her pajamas. She flipped on the television and closed her eyes, assuring herself she’d fall asleep in no time.

But an hour later, she was sitting up in bed, turning the TV up to drown out the sounds of the cheers and whoops of the midnight run.

Coward,she whispered to herself, pulling the covers tight against her chin.

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