Page 40 of Stags

“Right, the run,” said Tawny. “Did you go, Eiren?”

Eiren froze, reaching back to touch the back of her neck. “Um, I went out there, but I didn’t end up hooking up with any of the bucks. I guess I chickened out, too.”

“No one approached you?”

“I didn’t… I probably didn’t give off an air of receptiveness,” said Eiren. “But people seemed to be having fun. I mean, I didn’t watch… things. I kept my head down. Some of the breeding lairs look really nice. You’re trying to be bred, Tawny, you should find someone who has one.”

Tawny eyed her. She was getting the distinct impression that Eiren was not telling them everything. Maybe she felt embarrassed, since neither of the other two women had actually had rough-and-tumble sex in the rite. She could push, but she got the impression that Eiren would only get more closed off if she did. She sighed. “I don’t even know if I’m going to do it. Maybe I’m going to leave.”

“No, you can’t,” said Eiren. “No one’s leaving. I can’t go home, and neither can the two of you.”

“Why can’t you go home?” said Rora.

Eiren gestured with both hands, very animated. “I just can’t be there right now, all alone, with nothing going on, doing the same things over and over again. It’s driving insane. I told myself I’d stay here all weekend, and I will. I will find something to divert myself, something fun and adventurous and not… not dangerous and crazy.”

Tawny furrowed her brow. So,somethinghappened last night with Eiren. She wasn’t getting a good feeling about it. “I think the reports you fill out can be anonymous, can’t they?” she said. “Didn’t they say that at the orientation?”

Eiren turned to her sharply.

Tawny shrugged. “Well, if something dangerous did happen, we can fill out a report.”

Eiren nodded curtly, once. “Yeah.”

“We wouldn’t judge you, you know,” said Tawny quietly.

Eiren looked away. “I mean, we all judge each other. Maybe we don’t mean anything by it, but I don’t think we can help it.”

Tawny didn’t like the implication of that. How was it, exactly, that Eiren was judging her?

THE GOOD THINGabout having thrown up everything in his stomach, Athos realized when he woke up in the bathroom at four in the morning, was that he wasn’t hungover, because he’d purged the poison.

He drank more water, slowly this time, climbed into his bed, and slept for four more hours.

When he got downstairs to get breakfast the next morning, he saw Stockton sitting at a table with an older stag, and he figured that must be his uncle. He approached and asked if he could join them, and they agreed.

When he sat down with his coffee and pastries, Stockton was agitated. “I need you to know something and it’s so fucking stupid, but I can’t keep hiding it. Bruin is not my uncle. He’s my father.”

Athos was surprised. “Really?”

“I don’t know why I lied about it,” said Stockton. To the older stag, “I don’t hide it or anything, Bruin, not usually. But it just somehow came out of my mouth.”

“It’s all right.” Bruin had his mouth full of pastry. He chewed and swallowed, washing it down with coffee. “It’s an abnormal arrangement. I’m well aware.”

“Yeah, but I’m not ashamed or anything,” said Stockton. He turned back to Athos. “It’s just that you said that thing about your mother and your gran, and I just felt like I wanted to… I don’t even know.” He slumped in his chair.

“Stockton is having a crisis of confidence this morning,” Bruin told Athos.

Stockton sat up straight. “Sun and moon, don’ttellhim that.”

Bruin winced. “Well, we’re in the same boat. I think I might have done something despicable last night. I’m not feeling particularly confident either.”

“Wait, what?” said Stockton, turning to his father.

“This is what we were in the middle of discussing before you arrived,” said Bruin to Athos.

“Well.” Athos squirmed on the chair next to them. He had to admit, this kind of male-male socializing, like this, it wasn’t common. But there was something appealing about the call of it, admitting his weakness out loud, something foreign and yet comforting, so he just said it. “Last night? Not my finest hour either.”

“I went out into the run,” said Stockton, “but I didn’t even approach anyone. I didn’t chase anyone. And I was too embarrassed to watch anything.”

---