Page 43 of Stags

She stood there.

The elevator took off.

She went up to the next floor and then wandered the halls, trying to account for however long it would take for Stockton to go to whatever room he was going to so that she wouldn’t run into him when she went back down.

She didn’t know why she hadn’t wanted him to see her seeking out Bruin to apologize or anything.I’m being irrational,she thought. Tawny wouldn’t have approved.

She shouldn’t have ever thought that no man would ever want her, she realized. The thought had been so painful precisely because she knew it wasn’t true. She’d fallen into it, though, so deeply that it had become her identity.

This was what a guy like Stockton thought of when he saw her. He thought of her as the pathetic girl who hated herself. And then he felt the need to reassure her that she was attractive, and that was deeply embarrassing.

She searched back over far too many conversations with people about things like that, conversations where people dismissed her at first, telling her that there was nothing wrong with her. But she would push and push and—when they saw she wouldn’t back down—they would eventually agree with her.

I talked them into it!she realized in horror.I made them think I was damaged because I thought it.

The sad thing was, all she’d wanted was to be reassured that it wasn’t true, but in seeking that reassurance, she’d actually confirmed it, created it.

And not waking up Bruin, it was more of the same thing, wasn’t it?

Here I am, convinced that no one would move across a bed for me,she thought, shaking her head.

She marched back to the elevator and rode it down.

But when she got to Bruin’s room, the door was open and a maid’s cart was outside.

The maid was inside the front door, securing a door stopper to keep the door open. “You need something, sweetie?” she asked Rora.

“I was looking for the person in this room,” said Rora.

“He checked out, actually,” said the maid. “Saw him taking his suitcase out as I was going through to do my rounds.”

“Checked out?” said Rora, surprised by this.

“He left a nice tip,” said the maid.

Well, then. Rora guessed she was saved the issue of explaining herself to him, which was what she had wanted earlier. Now, however, she felt disappointed at the prospect.

“YOU,” SAID TAWNY. She was in the bar near the courtyard, drinking a mimosa. It was probably too early to get drunk, but she didn’t think she was going to make it out there into the field without some liquid courage. Then, she looked up to see that horrible Athos buck approaching the bar.

“Me,” he said. His gaze went to her white earring.

She fingered it, feeling as if he was seeing her without clothing or something. “What? Do I happen to look as if I’m exactly the right age to be desperate to get knocked up or something? Is that what you’re thinking?”

He let out a disbelieving laugh. “Lady, I was not the person who was aggressively insulting in our last interaction, hate to break it to you.”

She scoffed. “That’s what you think? You just live in your own brand of reality, don’t you, regardless of where everyone else lives?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He was sarcastic. “I left a keycard here last night, I think. I don’t really need it, because they give you two, but I guess I just wanted to make sure someone found it and turned it in, because I think I’ll get charged for it if it’s lost, right? Where’s the bartender?”

She turned back to her drink, seething.Hadshe picked a fight with that guy last night? She didn’t think so. “You were openly leering at us last night,” she said to him.

He reached up to toy with one of his antlers. “So, you don’t know where the bartender is?”

“You’re not denying that, I see.”

“I didn’t deny it last night,” he said, and he was more heated now. “You come to a rite that’s about getting railed in a damned field, which means that the bucks in question need towantto rail you, am I wrong? So, we should pretend tonotfind you attractive? That’s what you want?”

“It’s about respect,” she said.

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