Page 60 of Stags

She grinned. “I guess so.”

“You guess so? That doesn’t sound like a rousing endorsement.”

She felt herself flush again. Well, this wasn’t going anywhere,couldn’tgo anywhere, because he was the ex of a friend, so she should make it so it was impossible for anything to happen between them. “Truth is, it was my first time,” she said. “I know that most people aren’t twenty-one when they get around to losing their virginity, and they don’t do it with a strange stag or whatever, but I’m kind of pathetic.”

“No, you’re not,” he said.

She shrugged.

“I’m only thinking that it would have been nice for you if your first time could have been with someone who you loved is all, because… because that’s nice.”

She nodded, ducking down her chin.

“He didn’t, like, hurt you?”

“No,” she said. “It didn’t hurt, but it was…” She considered. “It was different than I thought it would be. I thought it was going to be, like, softer somehow?”

He leaned forward, listening intently.

“It was more savage than I thought,” she said. “It was more raw or something.”

“It can be soft,” he said.

She flushed again.

“On second thought,” he said, clearing his throat, “this was a verystupidsubject change. I shouldn’t have gone here.”

“Okay,” she said. “Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not you, it’s…” He shifted on his seat. “I thought it would make me feel differently. When Maibell told me she was with another guy, it made me want her less, so I thought if we talked about that, with you, it would… help.”

“Didn’t it?”Don’t ask that, don’t push him. He’s admitting that he wants you.

“Not really, no,” he said.

She grinned at him. “Me too, you know.”

“You too, what?”

“I want you, too,” she said.Wow, lose your virginity and you just startsayingthings out loud, don’t you?

His lips parted.

She shrugged. “But we can’t, clearly. Girl code.”

“Yeah,” he said in a choked voice.

“Anyway, we’ll just have to start talking about baseball or something,” she said, giggling.

“Why?” he said.

She was caught off guard. “Why what?”

“I’m pathetic and I pretended not to know you, and I acted… there’s nothing about me to make you want me.”

Huh. Wow, this was interesting, getting this from the other angle, wasn’t it? She surveyed him, thinking about what to say, how to say it. “I think that’s part of it,” she settled on. “The guy I was with last night, he was too much for me. I felt afraid to wake him up when he was taking up too much room in the bed. It was like we didn’t feel like equals, you know. But you.” She shrugged. “I don’t think I want to be with someone perfect, not in the end. I want someone more like me.”

He grinned. “True.” His hand snaked across the table and he seized her fingers. “I liked it, that night, when you were just so intent on this idea that no one wanted you.” He squeezed.

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