“Oh my god, you’re killing me.”
“You mean you’renotthinking about sleep,Dr. Bishop? With the rain falling like it is?”
“Of course I am.” He pokes the spot above my knee. With my eyes closed, I can pretend it’s because he wanted to reach out and touch me. Not because there was a speck of ash left over from the sparklers. Not because there’s a freckle on my thigh that looks like a button begging to be poked. “Quinn, I dare you to tell me a secret.”
I want to kiss you, but I’m too scared.
I want to fall asleep out here with you by my side.
I want you.
“They found some new species of jellyfish where the sun doesn’t shine,” I whisper so it sounds like a secret.
He laughs. Like really, truly laughs. The sound buzzes through my skull like a jellyfish sting.
“Noreally. It’s all see-through and glowy.”
“Translucent and bioluminescent.”
I glance at him with a smirk. “So you’ve heard.”
He rolls his eyes, then drops the subject.
In his silence, the rain picks up. I close my eyes again. It’s impossible not to. My eyelids are heavy. I can’t make sense of the words that leave my mouth, drunk on lack of sleep. Drunk on what makes you drunk.
“You think we can make it out here all night?” I ask the red hibiscus bush basking in the darkness. I tell my secret without telling it.We. I touch the same spot on his thigh like if I don’t acknowledge him, he’ll float away. I might float away too. Is it possible to end up somewhere more wonderful than this?
“I tried it once. It’s eerie out here past midnight. Too hot and still.”
My sleepy head floats on his shoulder. Fatigue tapes my mouth shut.Take me to dream land where everybody floats.Where nothing is too hot. Where nothing is still. Where I don’t have to be drunk to shake this fear from my bones.
“Quinn. You can’t go home like this. Let’s go to bed.” He taps my cheek, making new constellations from my freckles. I’m back in the land below the clouds. Below Everett’s house. Everett’s house.Everett. Bed.“Inside. You can stay in the guest room. My parents won’t mind.”
“I want to stay out here forever,” I mumble from the gap in my lips.
“The bugs will eat us alive.” He stands up, leaving me to spin on my own. For once, the bugs aren’t on our side.
I pry myself back to reality, follow Everett up the stairs. Our footfalls aren’t as steady as skipping stones. The magic dies inside where the rain and heat don’t live.
He guides me to the guest room, snaps on the lamp next to the bed, and peels back the covers for me.
“I’m sorry, Everett,” I whisper as I crawl into bed. A million secrets go unsaid, but Everett knows what I’m sorry about.
I want to kiss you, but I’m scared.
Reality is too hot and too still.
I’m sorry.
Everett takes my earrings off and leaves them on the bedside table. He pulls the comforter to my chin and turns off the lamp. “Goodnight, Quinn.”
Age 14, June 20
“I can’t believe I’m driving youto a boy’s house right now!” Blair looked at me in the rearview mirror, her face bright as the sun reflecting off the ocean.
“It’s just Everett,” I said as if I was trying to believe it. As if I saw Everett as a boy with “just” before his name. As if he didn’t matter that much and I actually got sleep last night.
“JustEverett? Come on, you talk about him all the time, and I think he’s a very nice boy.”