Page 66 of The Summers of Us

We were in the thick of it, swarming around buff guys in football jerseys, girls wearing sun dresses under the moon, lanky kids in sweaters and flannels as if they forgot it was June. In the growing darkness, I looked around the swimming faces for Everett.

Haven and I walked to the bonfire. It was too hot for the summer, but at least the glow helped me make sense of the faces around us. Still no sign of Everett.

A new song played from the speaker hidden in the darkness.

“I love this song!” Haven grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a clearing in the yard. “Let’s dance!”

My nerves elevated in the middle of strangers. Haven moved my arms in sync with the pounding stereo. A breeze from the sound blew hair across my face, swirled adrenaline around me. I threw my arms to the sky, let them glow in the firelight.

This summer, I wanted to complete a new itinerary. Fulfill the prophecy Blair once scribbled in the title page of a summer romance.

I resigned to become part of the music. Songs played that I knew the words to, but I wasn’t sure how. I jumped up and down to the thrumming songs, pounding my arms to the beat, going crazy when the chorus hit. I didn’t know if it counted as dancing, but it was what everyone else was doing. I lost myself to heavy breathing, the shared belting of nostalgic songs, laughter unheard over blaring music.

I didn’t feel like Quinn.

I caught myself smiling under a million stars.

I wanted to be part of this hive mind forever.

“Hey, girls. Beer?” Mason flashed a white-toothed smile and held up three red cups.

Haven thanked Mason with a kiss on the cheek, then brushed her long, no-longer-straight bangs out of her face. She chugged it in about one breath. Lines of beer dribbled down her pink dress.

I grabbed a cup from Mason. The amber drink was a foamy ocean behind a crashing wave, begging me to keep not being me.

Haven wiped her mouth, cupped her hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to drink it.”

I knew I didn’t have to drink it, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to. I wanted to drink this beer. Despite my mom, who’d kill me if she could see these thorns I had for eyes. Despite Blair, who might make me drive her around the island again even though I got my license last October.

For Haven and Mason.

For Quinn, who hadn’t truly lived a day in her life.

Before I could decide against it, I inched my head back to chug. It was disgusting. I might as wellhave licked the floor of a gas station bathroom. My throat clenched in an effort to dam the flooding river, but I didn’t stop until there was no more to drink. I swallowed the final trickle, then shivered the taste from my mouth.

I resisted the urge to vomit, drew in a sharp breath, turned the cup upside down, and screamed, “Let’s party!”

Haven, Mason, and some other people cheered. We refilled our cups and kept dancing, hands pulsing in the sky to the beat. Mason grinded behind Haven, running a free hand along her waist. Honey-dipped light cast shadows on my best friends’ faces. I would forever remember this moment from the smell of pine trees, beer, and marsh. Red plastic cups and plastic faces and plastic music in the air. Warm beer bubbling within me.

A brunette boy staggered by us and cut between Haven and Mason, pulling Mason closer to dance. It looked like they’d danced together before. Mason ran knowing hands under the boy’s shirt, planted alcohol kisses on his lips.

He pulled back, shouting over the music, “I’m gonna go with Luke!”

“You boys have fun!” Haven yelled behind her.

Beer unraveled me. I was both living and dying at the same time. Alive from the fire burning in my stomach, dead from the same fire that made me someone I wasn’t. I was free. I’d never been afraid of anything in my whole life. I could stand unwavering in a thunderstorm, float on a roaring ocean.

Ride a rollercoaster.

I imagined myself as one of the trees, eavesdropping on the sea of drunk, dancing teenagers. We were happy from up there, happy from down here too, the excitement palpable. Even if summer didn’t last forever, this moment spent dancing, with beer glazing over all my problems, would live forever in my head.

I turned around.

Stopped dancing.

The music stopped pounding.

My rollercoaster came to a halt.

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