Page 80 of The Summers of Us

“Sharks feed at night,” he said.

“Come on, you can’t back out now, you already put your trunks on.”

“Quinn, are you peer pressuring me?”

“Would it be more apt to say it’spierpressure?”

“And you’re usingpuns? I must be dreaming.”

I pinched him gently on the arm. He was being dramatic, but I needed him to know this wasn’t a dream. “You don’t have to, but I still am.”

“Me too.” He pulled his shirt off.

In the faint moonlight, I briefly saw the muscles that made up his torso. If I could see him, that meant he could see me staring, so I watched the sand while I kicked my shorts off. If I looked up, would I see him taking me in? When I eventually did, he wasn’t, but maybe he was just good at darting his eyes away at just the right moment. A lot of people were.

“First one in wins!” I shouted, then took to the water as fast as my legs could take me.

I screamed with joy as a wave tore through me and broke my fall in the same moment. I was a pinball bouncing off thick, cold waves, bracing for each one that glowed white and frothy under the moon. It was easier once I got past the insurmountable surf closer to the shoreline. I did a mermaid dive under a calmer wave.

Underwater, I couldn’t tell it was the middle of the night, but the reminder came quickly when I resurfaced. It was even darker on Everett’s side of the island, where the turtles liked to nest, so any oceanfront lights were a dull red. Still, the moon helped me make sense of where the ocean met the stars. The white-capped waves were their own stars on the inky water, twinkling and ever changing the way stars couldn’t.

“Quinn?” Everett exclaimed.

“Over here!” I followed the sound of his voice a few waves away until I saw his head as a silhouette before the moon’s glitter. “Did I win?”

“Definitely.”

Something grazed my waist but retreated just as fast. “Holy shit!” I recoiled with a yelp, but really there was nowhere to go.

“It’s just me,” Everett said, then his hands were more intentional under the water. He grabbed my forearm and squeezed it reassuringly, then let it go immediately. It left me cold, but maybe that was just from the sun’s absence.

“Holy shit.” I exhaled a large breath in relief. I’d thought it was a jellyfish, maybe a stingray, even a curious shark since Everett had put the thought into my head. It was feeding time, even if I wanted to pretend sharks didn’t eat.

I was on edge, sure, but to be on edge was to be in it. I’d happened to my own life. I’d thrown myself to the ocean under the moonlight, which was living, even if it felt like dying. And I was okay. Mermaids didn’t worry about creatures lurking in the dark water. Mermaids didn’t even need to wipe the salt water from their eyes. Their wet hair dried in perfect waves.

A few shaky breaths later, my heartbeat finally slowed. “How do you feel?”

“Scared shitless.”

I laughed. “Me too.”

We left the water almost as quickly as we got in. But it still counted as living, as it gave my chest the same feeling as everything else had this summer. Including Everett, who was behind me on our way up the ladder of the long-abandoned lifeguard post.

During the day, the lifeguard post housed watchful eyes for lost swimmers, but tonight, all it watched was us. We sat wrapped in our beach towels, our backs against opposite walls, facing each other. Sure, my eyes watched the lights of distant cargo ships and Loggerhead Lighthouse, but with my legs stretched across the lifeguard post, it was easy to think only of him. He was close enough to touch.

“So, really, what’s changed with you?” Everett’s voice carved him from the darkness.

“What do you mean? I’m always like this.”

“Sure.”

The truth came out anyway, despite my attempt at humor. It was easier, especially since holding it in felt more like betrayal than protection. “I’ve been working on happening to my own life. Making a life for myself.”

“Life starts with swimming at night?”

I shrugged. “Among other things.”

Eventually, I hoped I’d get to the point where I could be in full control. Where life could mean resting my hand on Everett’s leg to absentmindedly brush off the sand dried to his skin, just because it hurt too much not to. Just because I could.

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