Page 106 of Ravenous

Blinking, Ollie tried not to cry. “But it’s easier than hurting yourself, than counting every calorie that goes in your mouth, than trying to outrun your fear. Trust me on this, it is. In the beginning, when you start therapy, start healing, and you’re getting out all the negative garbage inside? It sucks. But one day you feel kind of better? And you start to carve out these moments where you’re okay, and those moments stretch into hours and then days, and one morning you wake up and you’re like‘Wow, I don’t feel like garbage.’I know I’m lucky, I’m privileged, because I have people around me who care about my well-being, and I know there are many of you out there who don’t. That’s why I’m here, to support you on your journey.”

Taking a few seconds, Ollie read the chat that scrolled up the side of the page. Love and encouragement poured from the stream, an array of hearts, flowers, and sparkles lighting up the screen every few seconds, but there were also people agreeing, commenting with a piece of their own stories, and twice, Ollie saw someone say they were considering getting help.

“So, you see, I can’t give you an answer on when I’ll be fully recovered, but I’m slowly climbing up, aiming for that one hundred percent. And when that happens? Not if, but when, I’ll let you know.”

Blowing a kiss at the camera, Ollie sat back. “And that’s all for now! If you feel you need help, please reach out to someone you trust, and if there’s nobody you can talk to I have a list of vetted helplines pinned to the top of my page. Remember, you’re worthy of love, you deserve to be here, and you deserve to be happy! Bye, lovelies.” With one more kiss, he shut off the stream, the numbers not as great as they were in the beforetimes but, considering his topics, he still pulled a sizable audience. And the numbers didn’t matter because this felt right. He didn’t care if his audience was ten people; he wanted to make a difference in whatever way he could.

Clapping grabbed Ollie’s attention and he whipped around, finding Finn off to the side, who applauded like he’d just seen the best concert ever, and Ollie basked in it, pretending to fan himself.

“Thank you, thank you, no autographs please.” Giggling he turned back, shutting off the ring light and the tablet. “How long were you back there?”

“Enough to hear the end. I like the new you. I mean, the old you was fine but I like what you’re doing now, the message you’re sending. And it’s not interfering-”

“It’s not. I asked Katrin again last week and she said that as long as I maintain good boundaries with it, and put it last after mental and physical health, then I’m fine.”

“Good.” Approaching, Finn held out his hand. “Are you ready to go?”

“Always, anywhere, as long as it’s with you.” Taking the offered hand, Ollie stood, letting Finn lead him to the garage. “Even if you never tell me where we’re going.”

“I promise, this is a good surprise.”

“So, no mimes then.” Ollie still took shots at himself for crying in the back of the same car they were standing in front of.

“Are you really afraid of mimes?” Finn gave him a sidelong glance, locking up.

“Kinda. You have to admit they’re pretty creepy.” Getting in, Ollie looked around for clues, stopping when he saw the picnic basket sitting in the back, secured by a seatbelt. Ollie’s old self would’ve immediately panicked at the food implications, but now? He was excited, not bogged down by having to hide things; he trusted Finn, he trusted himself, and he knew that adventure lay ahead.

“But mimes are like…” Starting the car, Finn adjusted the mirrors. “Low-budget clowns.”

“Low-budget clowns! I never thought of them that way,” Ollie laughed. “I think I’m not afraid of them anymore.”

“Then we’re off to a good start!” Finn declared, pulling out of the driveway.

As usual, they switched off being DJ and while Finn took a roundabout route, Ollie knew exactly where they were going once they turned onto the dirt road.

“I haven’t been to the lookout since…before.” When he’d slept for a day in his car and Finn had to hunt him down and drag him back to life.

“Me too.” The car squeaked and rumbled as it bounced around but Ollie still heard the soft confession. “It didn’t feel right to come back without you.” The trees opened up, giving them a familiar view of the town below and Finn parked away from the edge. “You know, I always thought of this as my place but somewhere along the line it became ours.”

“Finn…” Ollie’s heart thumped in his chest.

“I thought that since our last memory of this place was a little um…intense? That we should make a new one. A good one.” Finn’s earnest gaze had Ollie falling in love with him all over again and he nodded, putting all the joy he felt into his smile.

“I like that idea.” Leaning in, he pressed his lips to Finn’s, giving him a lingering appreciative kiss. Then he pulled away, unbuckling the picnic basket and pulling it into his lap. “You were right, thisisa good surprise.”

“You think so already?” Finn touched his lips, stunned, like he’d never been kissed before, the wonder in his eyes always there.

“Mmhmm.” Ollie squinted at him. “And what do you mean,already? Is there more?”

“I have no idea?” Finn looked up at the roof of the car, barely hiding his smile.

“You have no idea?” Hampered by the picnic basket, Ollie couldn’t push into Finn’s space, but he did bat his eyelashes and attempt his cutest pout. “So thereissomething? You don’t want to tell me noooow?” He drawled the last word, trying to make it sexy. “I’m your sunshine, you can-”

“Nope, nope, none of that witchcraft. Picnic first while we watch the sunset!” Turning off the car, Finn got out and opened Ollie’s door, chivalrously taking the basket and helping him up. While Ollie still wanted to tease, he knew that Finn had put a lot of thought into this, so he savored his anticipation, kicking back and letting himself enjoy.

Most of the basket had been taken up by a checkered blanket that Finn placed on the ground and adorned with a few pillows. Comfortable, Ollie explored what Finn had packed with curiosity. Naturally, a bit of apprehension lurked, but its voice had become so small that it was easy to drown out.

“You made all of my favorites!” Ollie bit his lip, trying to keep his smile in check. He had a regulated diet designed to help him gain and maintain, and Finn had been going the extra mile to help Ollie introduce new foods and keep track of what he liked, most of which sat in front of him right now. Without thinking, he grabbed a fork and began to dig in, eating for over a minute before becoming distracted by Finn’s pleased stare. “What? Do I have something on my face?” He wiped the corners of his mouth.

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