Page 55 of Ravenous

Sitting on the grass, Finn took his headset off, balanced his meal in his lap, and grabbed his cell phone, continuing his research on eating disorders. The stats scared him, and after twenty minutes he needed a break. Moving his half-eaten dish to the side, he stared at the search engine on his phone, wondering what to type in.

Now you know my username so you can stalk me if you want.

It took a few attempts since Finn had to try an odd combination of Ls and Es, but he eventually located one of Ollie’s accounts. Studying the large follower number, understanding clicked further into place.

It was no secret that Ollie was very appearance-based, which solidified another reason for him to restrict. On their first real date, Ollie had mentioned that he’d had a glow-up and felt invisible throughout high school. But he wasn’t invisible anymore, his very popular social media accounts were based on his knowledge of makeup and hair, featuring him as the center of attention. And to maintain the attention Ollie probably believed he needed to maintain his glow-up. Add all his fear to that and it was easy to see how things could spiral out of control.

Scrolling back, Finn watched as Ollie gained weight and fullness, becoming brighter, a force of nature ready to sass the world to pieces. The difference between this year and last was staggering, and as he searched further, he found a before and after post. His lips curved in a grim smile as he realized he’d been right; Ollie had never been ugly. The man on the left had less makeup, frizzier hair, and carried more weight but he was stillOllie.

And Finn was going to fight for him.

15

OLLIE

ThepathbeforeOlliewas a green tunnel, lush and overgrown. Insects buzzed all around him as he moved forward, not knowing where he was heading, only that there was a goal and he needed to keep walking.

The path seemed endless, with the promise of open land just ahead, and Ollie broke into a run, feeling sweat upon his brow as he tore through the brush and out into a field. It was expansive, with long green stalks waving in the wind.

Clouds obscured the sun and a chill wound its way across the grass to Ollie, wrapping around him and causing him to shiver.

“Finn?” he shouted, but his voice didn’t carry at all. Trembling, he took a few steps back, and the world around him drained of color, the sky a foggy menacing gray, the wind picking up.

“Finn!” Ollie curled in on himself, falling to the ground under a large gust. On instinct, he tried to push himself back up but his left arm didn’t respond. Looking down, he choked on a breath as the limb dissolved, blowing away.

Fear cracked through Ollie like a whip and he began to scream, trying to get to his feet but his legs vanished as well. It was like the air was eating his bones.

“Finn!” His final scream came from deep in his gut and rippled through reality, tearing Ollie from sleep. Trembling and wet with perspiration, he sat up, checking his limbs several times and breathing a sigh of relief once he found them all intact. Rolling out of bed, he steadied himself until the room stopped spinning and grabbed a towel to dry off, wrapping it around his shoulders with a frown.

He didnotlike that dream. And he wasn’t stupid, he understood the symbolism. Eating the occasional normal meal to keep Finn appeased had resulted in Ollie exercising even more, and he’d reached his stretch goal. Lately, he’d been feeling lighter than air, able to escape anything, but there were moments where exhaustion would set in, a brutal fatigue that stemmed from his core, and it was seeping into his dreams, warning him that he was going too far.

But he didn’t know what to do. By this weight, he was sure he’d be rid of his anxiety and dread, but all the promises he’d been making to himself weren’t coming true. Because now he had more to lose.

Despite his resistance, he’d fallen for Finn hard and fast, and having someone this good in his life was surreal, a boon, which had shifted the goalposts. Now his main objective was tonotlose Finn because he didn’t think he could bear it, and that made him clingy. Although he tried to blame it on affection there was fear in there too. And it was both affection and fear that made him call out for Finn in his dreams, but Ollie had been all alone.

Shaking himself, he tossed the towel aside and flopped into his puffy orange chair, letting it engulf him like a hug.

If he stopped everything - all of the calorie counting, the workouts, the constant measuring and weighing, the obsessive thoughts of food - would tragedy run into him like a freight train?Couldhe even stop? Ollie put a hand to his head, distressed at the thought of regularly scarfing down meals without a plan to work it off. Was he trapped like this? Wanting to eat but not wanting to eat, scared and scant, wondering if shedding a few more pounds would help?

With a sigh, he dropped his hand and contemplated his phone, which he’d left charging on his nightstand. He needed to get back to a ton of private messages and comments, curate some new content, and do another Live, but he hadn’t been feeling up to it. He might be burnt out from doing social media for a living; however, he’d never had a problem pulling double duty when he worked at his last job. It was most likely the fatigue, and Ollie leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling as he tried to muster up the energy to get ready for his shopping date and makeover with Finn.

It was his idea and heshouldbe excited. But he was only tired. Caffeine would help.

Gathering strength, Ollie stood, bracing his hands on the bookshelf as the usual dizziness washed over him. Once he felt steady, he grabbed the flowy pink robe he left on the end of the bed and tied it closed, heading to the bathroom across the hall. Doing a quick morning routine, he shook out his curls and when his hands left his hair there were far too many strands on them, twisted around his fingers and wrists. Looking down, he noticed the same amount on the tile by his feet.

Panic shot through him and he leaned into the mirror, gently parting his hair, his harsh breathing the only sound in the room as he checked his scalp, looking for bald spots or missing curls. Darting back to his room, he unplugged his cell and rifled through his nightstand, grabbing a handheld mirror, when he noticed his pillow.

Since his sheets were lavender, it took Ollie a moment to realize that the glinting he saw was more of his hair. Brushing it all together, it made a small clump and he stared at it until his vision went blurry with tears. Chin quivering, he gathered his things and rushed back to the bathroom.

Turning on the phone’s flashlight, he searched his head again, using the extra reflection to study the back. While he didn’t find anything overt, he could tell that his hair was thinning and it was only a matter of time until it became noticeable. This wasn’t just another sign, it was a flashing neon warning, and Ollie’s dread rose, hanging over him, its feral grin intimating that there was much more to come.

Wiping his tears away, he stared at his puffy-eyed, balding reflection, tilting his head. Strange, his old self never taunted him anymore, as if it was too scared to come out. Or maybe he looked worse now than when he’d started.

His phone rang in his hand, its anime ringtone loudly bouncing off the bathroom walls, and Ollie jumped, snapping his eyes to the screen. Biz. She’d texted a few days ago but he’d been so busy with work, Finn, and exercising that he hadn’t gotten back to her.

And she was going to wait a little more because Ollie was in the middle of a crisis.

Turning the ringer off, he put the phone on the sink and continued to check his curls. If hair was falling out of his head, then he was pushing too hard. But the inevitable question rose again -couldhe stop?

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