Page 80 of Ravenous

“Wh-What are you doing here?” Ollie finally broke through his confusion and attempted to sit up, but it took him several shaky tries, his weakness horrifyingly apparent. Finn’s heart broke even more, stabbing through his chest; he wanted to reach out and help but he didn’t think it would be welcome so he clenched his fists instead, digging his fingernails into his palms.

“Sunshine-”

“Don’t call me that.” Ollie clutched his sweater around him as if the air made him cold.

“Okay.” Opening his hands, Finn turned the fan down to the lowest setting, cracking his window a bit more. “I came up here to check on you. You’ve-”

“Are you fuckingstalkingme?” Ollie tried to shriek but it came out as an affected croak, his energy wild and unbalanced. “It’s bad enough that you’ve been showing up to the house but you sent the cops overtwice.”

Finn wanted to sigh. This wasn’t going well. “I believe one of those was your family-”

“No.” Ollie held up a shaking finger. “I’mtalking. You crossed a line with the police and now you’re playing bodyguard? Going all secret service on me when I’m just trying to get away and take a Tuesday afternoon nap-”

“It’s Wednesday,” Finn interrupted, adrenaline spiking his system. Had Ollie been up here sinceyesterday?

“What?” Ollie snapped.

“Today is Wednesday.” Repeating the words carefully, Finn walked himself through the real possibility that Ollie had driven up here twenty-four hours ago and had either taken a nap that ran out of control or passed out from sheer exhaustion. Either way, it was a flashing neon sign that Ollie’s body was wearing out.

“It’s…no…” Ollie frowned, shaking his head. Fishing for his phone, he squinted at it. “No…” Tears welled in his eyes, spilling over as realization dawned. “I just got here…I thought...” A sob tore from his body, rattling it.

Reaching inside his jacket, Finn pulled out a small package of tissues, handing it to Ollie, who stared at him with red watery eyes full of mistrust. There were dark hollows under them, and his complexion was a concerning gray, which tripled Finn’s pain, marking his soul. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up today? If he’d waited too long? It was one thing to conceptualize Ollie dying from his disorder, it was another thing to see it happening right in front of him. Finn was glad he’d broken into Mason’s house and he’d do it over and over again because Ollie was worth fighting for.

And Finn was ready to go to war.

Eventually, Ollie snatched the tissues, removing one and drying his eyes.

“Do you see why I’m here?” Finn asked softly. “Because I was worried. Because I care-”

“Sorry, but people who’ve slept with my sister don’t get to care about me, worry about me, or stalk me!” Ollie crumpled the tissue in his hand and looked away, out the window.

“Ollie, listen.” Finn kept his voice low and even as if he were talking to a skittish feline. “I’ve never lied to you.”

The bark of a sardonic laugh echoed in the car. “You did though. You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“That’s not fair. I know that this is a fucked-up situation but none of it was intentional.” Finn ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. “I keep wishing that I could go back in time and change things but, you know what? That change might ripple into other changes like us never meeting each other. And I don’t want to think about my life without you in it.”

“Finn, I…” A crack appeared in Ollie’s demeanor and Finn dove for it, trying to pry it open and get inside, get Ollie to see his own light and tend to it.

“Which means you can’t keep punishing yourself like this. I’m not here to say take me back, although I’d love that. I’m here to say I’ll doanythingyou want as long as you stop starving and exercising. As long as you get help.” Why was it so hard to breathe? There was something caught in Finn’s chest and he took in a huge gulp of air, his cheeks cool and strangely wet. “I’m begging you.”

Ollie’s eyebrows pinched, his face stricken, and he teared up again alongside Finn. “Please don’t cry over me. Everyone is crying over me.”

“Because you’re dying!” The floodgates opened, Finn’s intensity filling the car. “Do you know how hard it is to watch you destroy yourself? I know you can’t help it but you were on the right path and I’msosorry that my past knocked you off it. I know you can recover, whether you want my help or not, but I’m not going to give up until you take that first step again, because you have so much to offer the world.” Stopping, Finn took a deep breath, wiping his face, freezing when something white waved in front of him.

The package of tissues.

“Thank you.” Slowly, Finn took them from Ollie’s shaky hand, their eyes meeting, and Finn realized that he was getting through because even though the brightness of that pale blue gaze had faded, it still held a spark of warmth. Carefully, he pulled a tissue free and dried his eyes, hoping that Ollie might speak, but he only continued to stare. Finn decided to make use of that attention. “I know why you’re doing this, at least from what you’ve told me, and I know the fear behind it, but I want you to consider that you’re not just starving yourself of food, you’re also starving yourself of joy. If you keep restricting and running from the bad, how can the good ever catch up? How can you ever enjoy things?”

“I tried that! I tried it your way!” Ollie blurted, waving his hand around. The sleeves of his many shirts pulled back and Finn maintained a poker face that would make Owen proud as Ollie’s wrist came into view, every bone and blood vessel on display. “And when I stopped, when I let the good catch up andbelievedthat things might be okay? Look what happened! It wasn’t something small and stupid. I got to be blindsided and humiliated in front of everyonetwice, first with the intervention and then with my boyfriend and my sister.” Ollie began to cry again, blotting his tears with his mangled tissue. “And now I’m too afraid to stop because things could get so much worse.”

“I think they’re already worse because youhaven’tstopped.” Finn leaned over the console, insistent, drilling his gaze into Ollie. “And you’re well on your way to the absolute worst thing. So, what’s the harm in trying one more time? Please, Ollie. Please don’t leave me or my heart will go with you.”

“I…” Ollie’s sigh seemed to come from his soul. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m scared. But my death isn’t the worst. What ifyoudie? What if everyone around me dies?”

Finn shrugged. “Anything can happen. I could die tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. Nothing is assured.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Ollie shot back.

---