Page 87 of Ravenous

“Sunshine.” Finn waited until Ollie met his gaze again. “Thankyoufor loving me so much. And since you gave me a promise, I’m going to give you one right now.“ Reaching inside his shirt, Finn pulled out his mother’s ring, contemplating it as he flipped the small band around in his fingers. “My mother’s name was Sadie.” Ducking his head, he tugged off the chain, using both hands to unlock it.

“Finn…” Ollie’s heart hammered in his chest as he watched the ring drop onto Finn’s palm.

“I’d always hoped that my soulmate’s name began with an S, and then I realized.” Gently, Finn grasped Ollie’s right hand, holding the ring over each finger, sizing them. “That this S is for Sunshine.” With a nod, Finn slid the small silver band onto Ollie’s pointer finger. “And I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be here for you. That I will support you. That I will be brave. That I’ll work on my issues. And that I love you, so deeply that it’s almost scary.”

At that, Ollie huffed a small laugh, his body unlocking, the immediate shock wearing off as happy tears sprang to his eyes.

“Every time you’re afraid and you feel that dread?” Finn tapped the ring with his finger. “I’ll be right there beside you, protecting you, okay?”

“Okay.” Ollie’s voice broke on a sob and he wiped his eyes, bringing the ring closer so he could study it. The S swooped and curved magnificently and Ollie guessed that since Finn had worn it most of his life, it had absorbed his energy, because the minute that band slid on Ollie’s finger, he felt Finn’s presence, his calm, as if his knight were right beside him, helping him build his strength. “This…this is…” Ugh, he couldn’t word again, his brain and mouth were not working together, both of them hijacked by the pretty silver ring that was now tied to Ollie’s heart.

“I know,” Finn whispered, pressing his lips to Ollie’s, and then there was no more need for words.

“Hello lovelies! I know, it’s been too long. I’m sorry I’ve been away but…” Ollie took a deep breath, glancing down at his image on the bottom left, glad that he’d decided to put on a quick ten-minute face; while it didn’t hide how haggard he looked, it certainly eased the full effect. He’d donned a purple bucket hat as well, loving that it provided extra coverage. “I’ve been dealing with some things. As many of you already guessed, I have an eating disorder, and in a few minutes I’m going into treatment.” He paused, afraid to look at the scroll of comments, expecting the worst.

But all he saw were hearts, thousands of them, along with icons of roses, flowers, and get-well bears, all floating up the screen in a staggering show of support. And their love overflowed into Ollie, who smiled through shimmering eyes.

“Thank you, everyone. I know I call all of you lovelies, but when I say it, I mean it. I appreciate all of you, and your faith in me, and all this love oh my god.” Blotting his tears with a tissue, he steadied himself again. “Also, I need to apologize-”

The chat stream increased, the words barely readable, most of them assuring Ollie that he didn’t have to. “Hear me out, lovelies. I made this account because I wanted to learn about hair and makeup, put up a few of my own videos, and maybe make some friends. I did not expectall ofthis.” He gestured at the screen. “And I’m eternally grateful for you all. But I let you down by promoting a poor body image and for that, I’m sorry.” He held back a sob but some tears escaped, running down his cheeks. “I was such a hypocrite. I used to close out all my videos by reminding you that you’re all beautiful while I didn’t believe it myself. It wasn’t right and I understand if I’m not the kind of person you want to follow anymore.”

Wiping his eyes, Ollie stared at the screen. The love kept pouring in, along with a general insistence that Ollie had nothing to be sorry about. Of course, there were some snide remarks, but his cheerleaders immediately shut those down. Almost all of the comments were positive but one stood out among the rest, catching Ollie’s breath as it climbed up the page.

I’m going to get help too.

That single phrase lifted Ollie’s heart and he began to think that maybe, once he recovered, he could use his platform to help people.

“Thank you, lovelies. Your support means the world to me.” He clasped his hands over his chest, trying not to break down. It had been an emotional day and it still wasn’t over. Punctuating that thought, Finn’s steps echoed as he came back up the stairs, stopping in the doorway. He’d been kind enough to bring Ollie’s bags down to the car and give him some privacy with his followers, but they were cutting it close.

“Sunshine, it’s time.”

Ollie nodded at him and then returned his gaze to the screen. “I’ll be back when I can but know that I’m working hard to get better. If you feel like you need help, for any reason, please reach out to someone. Because every one of you is worthy of space in this world.” Reaching out, he held his finger over the red button at the bottom. “Bye, lovelies.”

Ending the stream, he swiped away the metrics and opened his camera app, taking a quick selfie. Abeforeas he stood on the edge of a new life. While anxiety left him trembling, deep inside there was a spark of hope and he clung to it, using it as a lifeline as he stood and took Finn’s hand, ready to start hisafter.

24

OLLIE

“IknowIstartevery session with this but ugh, I hate the boot.” Ollie gestured at the monstrosity on his right foot. It had been seven weeks and he still felt slightly trapped by it.

Once upon a time, he feared being this moored down, being still, and when he’d been diagnosed with a stress fracture on the very first night in treatment, he’d started crying and didn’t stop for close to a month. He hadn’t thought it was possible to cry that much but his whole world had been picked apart and learning how to put himself back together had left him constantly raw and vulnerable. For a while, every interaction had brought tears - food, therapy, group, doctor visits, activities, and he’d ended up spending a great deal of time looking at the ring on his finger, for it anchored him in a different way than the boot, keeping him from giving up, reminding him of what was at stake, even during his setbacks.

Because while he’d gained some weight, he hadn’t been able to shake the feeling of impending doom that grew along with him; however, it wasn’t as strong as it used to be which meant that, no matter how difficult the path, he was heading in the right direction.

“And every time I remind you that you need to wear it so your bones have the best chance of healing,” Katrin shot back.

“It isn’t fashionable at all though.” He kicked up his leg, gesturing at the utilitarian black Velcro boot. “I can’t believe they didn’t have pink!”

“Black is always trendy,” she smirked, used to his tirades. With her wire-rimmed glasses and shaggy hair, she was the perfect portrait of a therapist; however, it was all camouflage. That’s how she lured people like Finn and his parents in, making them think that she was a soothing grandmother when she was really a drill sergeant, but Ollie liked that about her. He didn’t come here to take it easy, to resist and waste his family’s money. He came here to heal, to learn, and to work because he knew that this was his last chance.

“I guess…” He let out a breath. “I can’t wait to walk without it though. Nine more days!” He’d been marking it off on the calendar that hung above his bed in a room that had slowly become his own. Usually, he’d have an app to cross off the dates but he’d eventually adjusted to life with minimal technology, and now he rarely missed his phone. He hadn’t known what to do in the beginning; even with most of his day scheduled he still had down time and it had taken him a while to acclimate. But when he’d finally stuck in, he’d learned that he was fast at puzzles. And oddly good at painting, although that tracked since his eye makeup skills were off the charts. And that he loved the outdoors, especially sunsets and the clouds before a storm. And that the mornings were much better without checking his protruding hips and then rising to sort through troll comments while guzzling a large coffee; in fact, Ollie didn’t touch caffeine anymore.

And that when he didn’t have to constantly come up with new makeup ideas, or put on his face to battle the world, he could breathe more deeply. He didn’t wear a stitch of makeup the entire first month because, if he had, the tears would’ve washed it off anyway. He’d also toned down his style, keeping to monochrome activewear with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, which was in trend among his fellow patients, but his hair was wrecked. It had lost mass and luster and even though the clinic allowed him to have hair products, it would be quite some time before his curls bounced back.

“Don’t think you can act like a hamster on a wheel when the boot comes off.” Pursing her lips, Katrin gave him a look over the rim of her glasses.

“I swear to god, I have the meanest therapist.” Ollie put his hand on his chest in mock offense but the part of him that still wanted to run, to dart away at the slightest hint of fear, needed that warning. According to Katrin, that part was his anxiety disorder, which had helped create his anorexia nervosa, giving him not only the stress fracture, but also anemia, a host of deficiencies, and low bone density. All of his organs had been checked and thankfully seemed to be in working order but he’d need to get routine examinations for years to come. Although he’d been healing, one of the first things he’d learned at the facility was that this was only the beginning.

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