Page 103 of Shift Change

His eyelids fluttered open, and his stare was glassy and lost. He blinked like he wasn’t sure I was actually there. “Chuck?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten my face.”

“No.” He cleared his throat and sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “I was dreaming. I wasn’t sure this was happening.”

I squeezed his arm. “It’s real. I’m here.”

His eyes went flat. He stared at me with the same dull, distant gaze he’d used when he told me to leave.

“Did you come to get your stuff?” His voice was low and rough.

Fuck.If that was where he thought this was going, I was skating up a steep hill. “No,” I said. “I came to talk.”

The color drained from his face as he pressed his lips together, then shook his head. “I can’t. I’m not ready.”

A flash of anger had my pulse pounding in my ears. I had to clench my hands because I wanted to shake him, anything to jolt him into reality and make him hear me.

“We have to talk, Nate.”

“I said no.” He glared at me. “I’ll text you when I’m ready, okay?”

“Fuck that.” My voice was loud—good for me. “I can’t make you change your mind about us, but don’t you dare act like I don’t matter. Likewedon’t matter. Last night, I let you have your say, and now it’s my turn. You owe me that much.”

“I can’t listen until I have something to tell you.”

“Bullshit.” I stood and loomed over him, fists clenched at my sides. “If you’ve got nothing to say, fine. It’ll save me the trouble of telling you to shut the hell up and listen.”

He stared into the distance and said nothing.

“Fuck you for sitting there like a statue. I’m not leaving until you hear me out, so either get your ass up and walk inside, or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you in there.”

37

holky

The second Chuckthreatened to carry me inside, I knew I’d lost—not just the argument, but everything. The flimsy house of cards I’d built out of fear and excuses collapsed under the weight of him. Chuck was immovable, unstoppable, and unless I planned to full-body tackle him in the garden, I didn’t stand a chance.

The ground seemed unsteady as I followed him to the door. He moved with his usual confidence and didn’t look back, leaving me to realize how much I loved that in him, how much his quiet strength had helped me. Inside, he headed straight for the living room, where he sat on a couch and I sank onto the same loveseat I’d shared with Abby only an hour earlier.

The silence pressed down like a weight as neither of us spoke. I was caught in a world of confusion, wondering whether to bolt or throw myself at him. I was afraid of hurting him and terrified he’d hurt me, but all I’d thought about since the guys left was how Chuck and I were meant to be together. Now, instead having the relationship I’d always dreamed of, I’d screwed everything up by driving him away.

For someone who’d dragged me inside to talk, he sure was quiet. The longer he sat there in silence, the harder my heart pounded, until I finally met his eyes, silently begging him to say something—anything—to ease the tension stretched so tight I could barely breathe.

Finally, he leaned forward. “You don’t have to say anything. Just hear me out.”

I nodded since I was too nervous to talk.

“I love you, Nate. I’m not afraid of your ghosts or of what might happen if you get scared again or things get hard. I’m stronger than you think I am. You won’t destroy me, so love me the best way you know how. That’s all I want.”

My chest tightened. Chuck’s words hit deeper than I wanted to admit, loosening something I’d tried hard to lock down. I stared at him as he licked his lips and curved them into a smile. “I know you think you’re broken, but you’re not. You are a beautiful, smart, funny man. You’re everything I need.”

His eyes burned into mine, and the space between us thrummed with something electric and undeniable. Every hair on my arms stood at attention, like my body knew the truth my mouth was too afraid to say.

“I get that you’re scared,” he went on, “and I believe I understand why, but hear me.” He leaned forward and didn’t blink. “You have more capacity to love than anyone I’ve ever known, and you areworthyof love.”

My body pulled tight, like I was seconds from shattering. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, trying to hold it together, but it was no use. I was shaking, caught between falling apart and letting go.

“I can’t—” His voice cracked, but he didn’t look away when tears filled his eyes. “You showed me what it feels like to be alive. To be loved for who I am instead of the loud, clown-ass version I used to hide behind.” He dragged in a shaky breath. When he spoke again, his voice was low and urgent. “I always thought the right person would be my other half. But that’s not it. You didn’t complete me, Nate. You helped me realize I wasn’t missing anything to begin with, and you gave me the space to grow into the guy I was always supposed to be.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Now I’m whole. And every part of me belongs to you.”

---