Page 45 of Shift Change

If this had been an actual game of chicken, he’d have cracked a joke. I’d have called him dude and punched him in the arm. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he moved in again and rested his forehead against mine while we caught our breath. When we parted again, our eyes remained locked.

I’d known coming down here that things might get out of control between us, and sure enough, they had. Whatever the hell we’d started would take some time to figure out.

We may have been in trouble, but damn if it didn’t feel right.

15

mad dog

We tookour share of razzing after we sat down, but most of it barely landed. Years of locker room instinct kicked in, and I chirped back, running on autopilot while my brain replayed the kiss on a loop.

Holky didn’t seem to be on the same page. He tossed out a couple of decent jabs, but his timing was off, and his laugh was too sharp. He kept his gaze straight ahead and didn’t look at me once.

No one argued when Logan declared we’d hit our limit and should call it a night. My stomach was already in knots, and I could feel the tension ratcheting up with each passing second. Holky stuck to Logan like a goddamn shadow, then stood on the far side of the elevator like being near me might burn him.

Harpy rode up with us, cracking a few jokes, but I was in my own head, trying to work out what had gone wrong. I’d crossed a line, but I thought we both wanted it. Had I misread him? My heart sank as another question came to mind: had I fucked everything up?

When we arrived at the ninth floor, Harpy said he’d text us in the morning with an update. The guys peeled off, disappearing down the hall toward their rooms. Holky lingered for a second, long enough to glance my way and give me nod—not a smile or a word, not “goodnight,” “see ya,” or even “fuck you”—but only the same clipped, impersonal nod he’d give a stranger in an airport terminal. Then he turned and hurried away.

I stood there with my heart thudding, feeling like he’d punched me in the jaw.What the hell just happened?

I headed straight for the bathroom as soon as the door clicked shut behind me. After taking care of business, I brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face, staring at the guy in the mirror like he might have answers. I didn’tlooklike I’d lost my mind, but what else could explain one straight man kissing another in front of the entire team, blowing up a brand-new friendship and lighting a gossip wildfire all in one go? Bad move. Regardless of what we’d been feeling and doing in private, I’d crossed a line Holky couldn’t handle.

The comforter was still on the floor. While I made the bed, my thoughts rewound to earlier, before we went downstairs and I made a damn fool of myself. Holky and I had gotten close since I came to Buffalo, and although we were about to do something crazy when Riley knocked, we’d both wanted it. Would it have turned out to be a one-time thing? Could we have gone back to being regular buddies? That would have been more than we had now.

I stripped and climbed into bed, hitting the power button on the remote and muting the sound the second the TV flickered on. There was no way I could focus with my thoughts rocking like a busted seesaw, and the ache of missing Holky sinking in fast.

Too much had happened for me to keep up with, and after my reality break downstairs, I was on the verge of freaking out.

First off, I wasn’t gay. I’d never even thought about kissing a man before I met Holky, but tonight I hadn’t been able to control myself.It was the beer. I drank too much and lost all my inhibitions. That had to be it.

But fuck that. I only had three, barely enough to feel any buzz at all.

Why the hell didn’t I let Holky pull away? I was usually good at playing it cool, but I went nuts and ruined it all. Caught in a spell too powerful to resist, I enjoyed the game, which would have been fine if I’d followed the plan. Yet as soon as I sensed Holky backing away for real, my lips were on his faster than I could think.

And the kiss? Fuck me, it was the best goddamn kiss of my life. Now I’d never have another because Holky was uber-pissed at me. Not that I wanted another kiss from him after the way he’d acted like I had the plague, but I… Goddammit, Ididwant more.

I laid an arm across my eyes, hoping it would somehow still my racing mind, but all it did was block out the light. Darkness pressed against me while I wondered what I could say to Holky to make it up to him. We might never be friends again, but maybe we could find a way to live in peace as teammates.

What was that sound? I lay still, listening, wondering if I’d imagined it. There it was again, two soft knocks. Not a pounding or a playful thump, but the kind of hesitant knock you give when you’re not sure if the person on the other side wants to see you.

Well, I didn’t, whoever it was. I turned over and yanked the pillow over my head. If this was more chirping about our big kiss, I couldn’t deal with it tonight.

A few seconds later, my phone buzzed on the nightstand.

HOLKY: Open your door. I’m right outside.

Shit.I smacked the mattress with both hands, like that was going to help. I wasn’t up for a showdown, but maybe it was better to get it over with. We could have it out in private and figure out how to survive each other without blowing up the locker room.

Dragging myself out of bed, I shuffled across the floor like a ninety-year-old man. I opened the door, and there he was—no frown, no smile. Holky was in neutral, which somehow made things worse.

I turned without a word and let him follow me in. We stopped in the middle of the room, facing each other. He said nothing—no apology, no explanation, not even one of his awful chirps to break the silence. I waited, but when the moment stretched too long, I caved. “Hey.”

“Hey.” His voice was as neutral as his expression. “I wanted to see you.”

“Why? So you could tell me to fuck off?” He flinched, but I didn’t stop. “I embarrassed you, and I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. We were right on top of each other, and after what almost happened earlier, I lost?—”

“You didn’t embarrass me.”

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