Page 56 of Four Fiances & I

“No, Christian, none of it was your fault. None of you played a role in what happened to me. That target has been there longer than I have known any of you,” I say softer. “My mother was never going to stop. She was never going to stop using me to get what she wanted. Either it was money for her addictions or something else. She has been willing for me to be a form of payment for my whole life.” I reach up and cup his cheek. “Nothing that happened to me was due to any of you. Do you really think I would have never been assaulted if Jason had killed Hudson? She was sending men into my room when I was still a young child. That is what caused my pain the last few days, not what happened in that house, but what happened long before I even met you.

“She tried to sell my virginity more than that one time Christian. I slept at Amber's house more than once because I had run from what should have been my safe place. I often woke up to find her letting men into my room.” I want to close my eyes and hide from the images that flood my mind, but I don’t. I do what I’ve always done and look for sanctuary in his. “Hudson was not the first to assault me, and if you four hadn’t saved me, he wouldn’t have been the last. Nothing he did to me hadn’t been done before.” I reach out with the hand that’s not on his cheek and take his before squeezing it.

“That woman is to blame for everything that ever went wrong in my life. She forced me out of the first place I ever thought of as a home. She tried to take my dancing from me and stole my innocence. She killed my grandparents and tried to kill me. She abused me physically and mentally, and worse of all, she took everyone who cared away from me. But do you know the one thing I can never forgive her for?” I ask, ensuring he looks as deeply into my eyes as I am his.

“I cannot forgive her for what you were forced to do when you were just fifteen years old,” I whisper as he looks at me with wide eyes. “My father's death is completely in her hands, and so is the fact his blood has been on your hands all this time. She let a fifteen-year-old boy spend a lifetime beating himself up for being forced to kill someone who was just trying to give that woman what she wanted. I hate her for every second you have blamed yourself for a death that wasn’t your fault. You may have pulled the trigger, but you did not kill him; his blood was on her hands, and she didn’t give a shit!”

Letting my hand slide from his cheek, I keep it pressed against his chest above his heart, which I feel beat strong and fast under my palm.

“You, Christian O’Reilly, are the strongest man I know. Each of your brothers behind me will agree. You take on so much and do so much to protect us that you forget we are here to protect you, too.

“Stop trying to do everything yourself. Stop blaming your brothers and yourself for what you had no control over. You were as much of a victim as I was during all of that. Taylor and our parents played us all, wanting to get as much out of us as possible, but they didn’t count on one thing: our love for one another would conquer everything they threw at us. Nothing they did was ever going to stop us all fighting until the end to get back to each other.” Closing the gap between us completely, I grip his shirt and hold it tight, forcing him to look at me.

“You always say I belong to you, well guess what, Christian O’Reilly, you belong to me too, and there is nothing I am not willing to do for you. I just need you to stop blaming yourself and your brothers for what was out of your control. I need you to let us help you and for you to realise we will protect you just as viciously as you will protect us. Understand?”

For a moment, Christian looks at me as a single tear rolls down his cheek. I reach up and wipe it away before laying my hand back on his cheek as I look deep into his tear-filled eyes.

“Use your words, Daddy,” I tease with a small smile. It has the effect I hoped for as a short burst of laughter escapes him as his eyes close and arms tighten around me as he buries his face in my hair.

“Yes, Sweetheart,” he mumbles against my head. We stay in each other's arms for a moment as he breathes deeply. Eventually he pulls away enough to look deep into my eyes again.

“I am so sorry, Baby,” he whispers, cupping my cheek. “I could never hurt you, I don’t know what happened, I just-”

“Stop,” I whisper, shaking my head softly. “It was a shock, but I was never scared. No matter what, you would never hurt me, not really.”

For a moment, he rests his forehead on mine and breathes deeply.

“If I had hurt you, I would have-”

“Enough!” I snap this time. “You wouldn’t have; no matter how mad you get; you would never physically hurt me. I could feel you holding back.” I glance over my shoulder and spot Jason with even more swelling and bruising evident on his face.

“Shit, Jas. Did I do all that?” Christian asks. I turn so I’m beside him and able to see everyone.

The other three O’Reillys are still standing together, facing their eldest brother. I hadn’t noticed how close they were. They must have moved to ensure they could get to me if needed.

“Yeah, but I'm not sure if you’ve seen your face,” he shrugs, forcing a smile.

“No, I haven’t,” Christian smiles before approaching his brother. “I’m so sorry; all I could see was Hudson hurting her and nothing else. My anger blinded me, and I should have spoken to you about my feelings regarding it long before now.”

“Until tonight, I would have agreed with everything you said. That’s why I didn’t hit you back straight away; I deserved at least one decent punch.”

“Do I need to repeat myself?” I sigh dramatically, hoping to break up the tension in the air.

“No, Jazzy, you don’t,” Jason smiles, rolling his eyes. When they find me again, I watch his face become more serious. “But we will discuss a few things you just told us. I have questions, like why didn’t you tell us before?”

I look down at my feet, knowing I’m not ready to answer questions about everything.

“Not tonight. I think it’s safe to say we have all been through enough,” Sean says, stepping forward. The brothers all look at each other and nod.

“I know you will be having talks about whatever happened tonight, and I want to be there. I’m sick and tired of being kept out of the loop,” I snap, looking at Christian. “Hiding things isn’t protecting me; it’s making me feel like you think I’m too weak to deal with anything, and I’m not.” I step back, and all four look at me as I stand alone. “I want to prove to you that I am worthy of your love and the O’Reilly name.”

“You showed us that long before you realised it, Angel,” Jason says, stepping forward to take my hand and pulling me into his arms. “I don’t think you realise how strong we know you are. But yes, you deserve to know more.” I don’t miss the way he looks at Christian. “She’s right. It’s not protecting her.”

Christian looks at me in his brother's arms and nods.

“I know that now. You’ve shown me once again how strong you are.”

“She must be strong to have the courage to stack up the number of punishments she earned tonight,” Sean laughs. I look to Christian with an arched brow, who is smiling whilst shaking his head.

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